The next Friday when I messaged him he was still out. He had gone to a movie alone so he didn't message me until much later but we talked until 4am. Our conversation was lighthearted but sort of changed when we talked about the girls from his past. The ones he had been in love with. He told me that it had been three different girls. We discussed why it didn't work out and how long it took him to realise that he was in love with them. He then stated something that I was surprised about. He said that he was surprised that he had typed it as well but that it was something that he had already faced in the past. It wasn't anything bad but it was a very interesting confession. It was 4am and he had a big day ahead of him. He said that we would talk about it more at another time. I encouraged him to go to sleep and we said our goodnights.
The next night I message him and he answered a couple of hours later. He told me a bit about his busy day and then the messages stopped. I figured he had fallen asleep. The next morning he messaged apologising for not being able to chat further. He said that he had a hard night and gave me an explanation. He said that he was going to have a day to himself but that he would definitely be up for a chat later. That was the last time that I heard from him.
At first I thought that he was busy or maybe was really tired and had gone to bed early. I figured that he would send me a quick message the next day like he had when that happened in the past. But no message was sent and he never read the message I had sent on the Sunday telling him that I was going to sleep. By Tuesday I knew something was wrong. He still hadn't checked my messages and I hadn't heard from him any other way. I sent him another message but this time on a different message system that we rarely used. I told him that I was worried and wanted to make sure that he was okay. I also told him that if he no longer wanted to talk to me to let me know. It might seem hasty, but it was totally out of character for him. I was starting to get worried.
It might seem like I was jumping the gun or overreacting but I could feel that something was different. I had this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and it was causing me anxiety. I think that the main reason for this is because the same thing used to happen with my ex-boyfriend. While we were dating he would just disappear. He would stop talking to me for no reason and then start communication again days, sometimes weeks later. He would always have a lame excuse but I am the forgiving type and I am also the type of person who is willing to give people the benefit of the doubt. It is one of my faults and one of my strengths. The worst thing about it is that it allows people to walk over me. But, they only get so many chances to do so before I have had enough and cut them out of my life.
My biggest fear was that he was ghosting on me. Ghosting is a relatively new term that has really become common place with the online dating era. It has become socially acceptable to not face someone in some form to tell them that you no longer want to date them. Instead, people just cut off all communication. No discussion, no excuses, no reasons given, no warnings. They just disappear like a ghost. Hence the term. That is ultimately what happened with my ex. After two years of dating he just disappeared for good. It was and is one of the most horrible situations that you can ever deal with. It is literally emotional, mental, and physical torture. It hurts like hell and it causes you to go through so many emotions and self doubt. It tortures you because it puts you into a state of unknown. This is what I was going through again and this time it hurt worse. I'm not a person who cries easily but I cried quite a bit. I'm sure a lot of that had to do with hormones as well but it was also the familiarity of having experienced this in the past and knowing what the outcome was. I didn't handle it well the last time. I spiraled into a depression and gained more weight. I didn't want that to happen again. Then I did something stupid. I sent him an email that weekend telling him how he was torturing me and basically begged him to message me so that I would know that he was alright. I shouldn't have.
One of the craziest things about being ghosted is that you are in such a horrible state of denial and confusion that you start coming up with reasons why someone would just cut off all communication for no apparent reason. I came up with excuses for him like: he was in a bad accident, something happened to someone in his family, he had to leave the country due to an emergency, his phone broke, he had no form of communication, he decided to not continue with the separation, he was too overcome with depression to talk to me, and the worst thought of all was that maybe he died. That is how irrational you become when your mind just can't comprehend how someone could be so cold and insensitive. Then you start to doubt yourself. You think that you must have done or said something wrong. You re-read your final conversations looking for clues. You start to believe that you are stupid, naïve, and undesirable. Your self esteem, no matter how confident you are, takes a huge blow. The biggest thing is that you just need an answer. You want some kind of relief, however small, so that you can get some sort of closure, so that you can move on.
It has been three weeks now and I still haven't heard anything. I assume that he got my email and it probably confirmed for him that I'm crazy. I seriously think that I sounded like a crazy person in it but like I said, I was going through a lot and I was experiencing emotional deja vu. He should know that it was an irrational response. He knows that I'm normally a very strong person. I did send another message to him a week and a half ago. It shows that he read it that Friday. He still never responded. In the message I basically told him that I wanted him to keep his word. We had actually discussed ghosting a couple of months ago. He had said that he would never do that to someone, instead he would face them and tell them that he no longer wanted to see them. In my message, I was basically asking him not to be a hypocrite.
He has discussed in the past that he battles with severe depression sometimes. If that is what's happening I would hope that he could gather enough strength to just let me know that is the issue. I don't know what his reasons are but I would like to have at least some sort of conversation about it. I thought that we were heading in a good direction. I thought that we had a future together, even if it was just as friends. I'm wondering if maybe he started dating too soon. That he needs to get his life together and get himself settled before he can actually consider dating or a possible relationship. Maybe he took my advise from before and decided to date someone else. I still deserve to know. Or maybe, I'm still just making excuses for him because I don't want to face the reality that he no longer wants to talk to me or have me in his life.
For me, it's not too late to fix this. Like I said before, I have a very forgiving nature even though he hurt me. But, that window will eventually close. I'm hoping that he will realise that what we had was unique and that he won't just throw it away. Finding someone that shares the same goals and mutual respect seems to be almost impossible these days. What I had with him, even just in the early stages of dating, is very rare. I'm hoping that he realises this before it's too late. I don't know if he'll ever read these posts. I hope that if he does he will see the affect that he has had on my life in such a short time. He had become someone that I trusted and someone that I cared for. I'm not in love with him yet but I could see myself eventually heading that way once we got to know each other a bit more and we were able to spend more time together.
One thing I must note is that I will always be grateful to him for showing me what it's like to date a gentleman. He treated me like a queen and made me feel important. It gave me just a taste of what I have been longing for all of my life. Unfortunately, it's very rare to find when you are my size. When you are viewed as an object or a fantasy fulfiller. If this is the end of our time together, which I hope it's not, I at least know that his treatment of me while we were on dates is what I will look for from guys in the future.
Maybe he'll message me and we'll talk it out. Maybe he'll show up at the Halloween party that we were supposed to go to together at the Duke Live on October 29th. Or, maybe I'll never hear from him again... Who knows? What I do know is either way, I wish him the best. I hope that he gets what he wants and needs in his life. Most of all, I hope he finds internal peace.
xoxo
Lors
Sunday, 11 September 2016
Monday, 5 September 2016
Just a Taste
I'm going to start with something that happened to me recently because I really need to deal with it. Well, I have been dealing with it but I haven't been doing a good job of it. About five months ago or so, I met a guy online. It was on a dating site for fatties and their admirers. I had been on the site since July 2015 and hadn't had much luck. I had made some friends but I found that the main interest was in my body and how it could fulfill the fantasies of the guys who messaged me. Many who contacted me were Feeders. I was very clear in my profile that I wasn't interested in being a Gainer or a Feedee. I'm happy with myself as I am. If a guy can't accept me as is then they aren't the guy for me.
Most of the time the conversation would start with the normal pleasantries. They were usually complimentary, which I thanked them for. We would talk about the normal getting to know you subjects but they would ultimately steer the conversation back to their fantasy. They would focus on me as an object instead of a person. I would get so frustrated. I would try to get them to change the subject but it would only last a short time until it was brought up again. We would get into arguments about it and most of the time they would try to turn my demand for respect around on me. I received responses like, "I can't help what I like." or "Why are you trying to make me feel guilty for being into SSBBWs?" or "You should be flattered that I am so into your body size." They never seemed to get it when I would point out that there is a soul inside my body, that I'm not just made of fat. It got to the point where I didn't take any possible sincere messages that I received seriously. I was that jaded. That was, until he messaged me.
I honestly can't remember the first message he sent me. It was something that made me want to have a conversation with him though. He seemed nice enough. I remember that he made me laugh, he was cute in his pictures, and he was local. We started chatting. As we messaged back and forth I realised that he was a decent guy. We talked about a bunch of interests. He had actually read my profile and would ask me to expand on topics that I had noted in it. He was interested in me as a person. It was very refreshing. Not once did he bring up my body. He was complimentary, but no fantasies were voiced, and no red flags were raised. He confessed right away that he was going through a separation that had just begun a couple of months before. He wanted to be upfront and honest. I appreciated that because he was giving me the choice of wanting to continue or not. We started chatting offline and shortly after, fed up with the site that we had met on, he deleted his profile.
We started out talking every two or three days. He made me laugh a lot and we both enjoyed our conversations. He asked me on a date in April but I had planned to go to a local party with a friend that day. I ended up hurting myself so I didn't go. I regretted having to decline his invitation. He assured me that he would ask again. He kept his promise and asked me out in May. I picked a restaurant close to me and met him there. I wasn't sure how it would go, but one thing I knew was that I wanted to stay friends with him regardless of how the date went. He had made that good of an impression on me. Since he had never really focused on my body or size I wasn't sure if he realised how big I really was. He had seen pictures of me, but lets face it, a picture only lets you see so much. He said that he would be fine with me at any size, I was still nervous.
When we finally met in person it was an instant attraction on both sides. He assured me later that he thought that I was more attractive in person, although he really liked my pictures too. We had a great dinner and then went for coffee. He didn't want to take me home so he drove all over the city for hours while we talked. It was a great date. It was nice just finally being with him in person. One thing that I must note is that he was a total gentleman. He held doors, pulled out chairs, closed my door after I got in the car, and walked me to my door. He gave me a hug at the door and a kiss on the cheek. I was glad that he didn't try more because we were strangers still at that point... Plus, I was hoping that our first kiss would be more special. I looked forward to our next date.
We weren't able to go on another date until the July long weekend. Due to the wait, and amount of time that he would be able to spend with me, he planned a date on both the Friday and Saturday. My birthday had been at the end of May so he planned to take me to get my birthday present. I had mentioned that one of my favourite authors was Charles Dickens. He took me to the bookstore to let me pick out the one I hadn't read yet. It was extremely thoughtful. I really appreciated it and it made me feel special. He planned a bunch of things for us to do which were all fun. We finally kissed that evening for the first time. It was in a lovely spot at the top of the bluffs overlooking the lake. It was sweet and memorable.
The next night we went for dinner. I was going to be leaving for the Las Vegas bash the following weekend and I wanted to make sure that he was okay with it. We had a very serious discussion about him dating other women. I encouraged him to do so. I was afraid that since he had only really dated me that I might end up being his rebound. It was the last thing I wanted, so if dating others guaranteed that wouldn't happen, I was willing to push him in that direction. He assured me that he didn't want to date anyone else and that I was not going to be his rebound. But, due to the tone of our conversation, and the topic, he thought that I was pushing him away. Breaking up with him in a way, although we were still dating and not in a relationship. On ride back from dinner he was different. He usually held my hand while driving but he didn't this time. I could tell that he was upset. I had him drive to the beach. We sat in the car and talked it out. He realised that I wasn't pushing him away. I was giving him an out. Something that he didn't want. We confirmed that we wanted to continue dating. We left on great terms and chatted every day until my trip.
I went to the Vegas bash the following weekend. I was gone for two weeks. I messaged him when I could. It was hard because I was constantly doing something or out and about. Plus, the three hour time difference didn't help. We chatted at length a couple of times. I talked to him almost every day after I got back and we planned our next date. It was the holiday weekend. We went to an interesting place that he researched, we ordered food and took it with us, and then went for a drive. We talked a lot again. That's the thing about us, we never ran out of subjects to talk about. It was so comfortable. We had a lot in common. I found the things that we didn't have in common most interesting. I really liked learning about him. His past and his current life. It felt like we were growing closer. We talked basically everyday. We always said that we enjoyed our conversations. We started talking about the near future. We planned another date for two weeks after that one.
This time we went for dinner and to a movie. During the whole movie we held hands. He caressed my arm and hand the whole time. I enjoyed every moment of it. We drove to the beach and talked for a while. We made out, a lot. We were becoming so much more comfortable with each other. We even talked about it later after he got home. That date changed a lot for me. It made me see that I was really ready to open up to someone again. To finally start letting my guard down. It was the turning point for me. I talked to my friends about it. I told them that I really liked him and that I was looking forward to seeing him again. Over the next couple of days we started discussing New Years Eve. Making plans for what to do that night. I had planned on going to Michigan to see friends, but the plans weren't solid, and I knew that I would rather spend it with him at his new place. Well, once he got one.
This post is very long... I know what to do!
To be continued...
Most of the time the conversation would start with the normal pleasantries. They were usually complimentary, which I thanked them for. We would talk about the normal getting to know you subjects but they would ultimately steer the conversation back to their fantasy. They would focus on me as an object instead of a person. I would get so frustrated. I would try to get them to change the subject but it would only last a short time until it was brought up again. We would get into arguments about it and most of the time they would try to turn my demand for respect around on me. I received responses like, "I can't help what I like." or "Why are you trying to make me feel guilty for being into SSBBWs?" or "You should be flattered that I am so into your body size." They never seemed to get it when I would point out that there is a soul inside my body, that I'm not just made of fat. It got to the point where I didn't take any possible sincere messages that I received seriously. I was that jaded. That was, until he messaged me.
I honestly can't remember the first message he sent me. It was something that made me want to have a conversation with him though. He seemed nice enough. I remember that he made me laugh, he was cute in his pictures, and he was local. We started chatting. As we messaged back and forth I realised that he was a decent guy. We talked about a bunch of interests. He had actually read my profile and would ask me to expand on topics that I had noted in it. He was interested in me as a person. It was very refreshing. Not once did he bring up my body. He was complimentary, but no fantasies were voiced, and no red flags were raised. He confessed right away that he was going through a separation that had just begun a couple of months before. He wanted to be upfront and honest. I appreciated that because he was giving me the choice of wanting to continue or not. We started chatting offline and shortly after, fed up with the site that we had met on, he deleted his profile.
We started out talking every two or three days. He made me laugh a lot and we both enjoyed our conversations. He asked me on a date in April but I had planned to go to a local party with a friend that day. I ended up hurting myself so I didn't go. I regretted having to decline his invitation. He assured me that he would ask again. He kept his promise and asked me out in May. I picked a restaurant close to me and met him there. I wasn't sure how it would go, but one thing I knew was that I wanted to stay friends with him regardless of how the date went. He had made that good of an impression on me. Since he had never really focused on my body or size I wasn't sure if he realised how big I really was. He had seen pictures of me, but lets face it, a picture only lets you see so much. He said that he would be fine with me at any size, I was still nervous.
When we finally met in person it was an instant attraction on both sides. He assured me later that he thought that I was more attractive in person, although he really liked my pictures too. We had a great dinner and then went for coffee. He didn't want to take me home so he drove all over the city for hours while we talked. It was a great date. It was nice just finally being with him in person. One thing that I must note is that he was a total gentleman. He held doors, pulled out chairs, closed my door after I got in the car, and walked me to my door. He gave me a hug at the door and a kiss on the cheek. I was glad that he didn't try more because we were strangers still at that point... Plus, I was hoping that our first kiss would be more special. I looked forward to our next date.
We weren't able to go on another date until the July long weekend. Due to the wait, and amount of time that he would be able to spend with me, he planned a date on both the Friday and Saturday. My birthday had been at the end of May so he planned to take me to get my birthday present. I had mentioned that one of my favourite authors was Charles Dickens. He took me to the bookstore to let me pick out the one I hadn't read yet. It was extremely thoughtful. I really appreciated it and it made me feel special. He planned a bunch of things for us to do which were all fun. We finally kissed that evening for the first time. It was in a lovely spot at the top of the bluffs overlooking the lake. It was sweet and memorable.
The next night we went for dinner. I was going to be leaving for the Las Vegas bash the following weekend and I wanted to make sure that he was okay with it. We had a very serious discussion about him dating other women. I encouraged him to do so. I was afraid that since he had only really dated me that I might end up being his rebound. It was the last thing I wanted, so if dating others guaranteed that wouldn't happen, I was willing to push him in that direction. He assured me that he didn't want to date anyone else and that I was not going to be his rebound. But, due to the tone of our conversation, and the topic, he thought that I was pushing him away. Breaking up with him in a way, although we were still dating and not in a relationship. On ride back from dinner he was different. He usually held my hand while driving but he didn't this time. I could tell that he was upset. I had him drive to the beach. We sat in the car and talked it out. He realised that I wasn't pushing him away. I was giving him an out. Something that he didn't want. We confirmed that we wanted to continue dating. We left on great terms and chatted every day until my trip.
I went to the Vegas bash the following weekend. I was gone for two weeks. I messaged him when I could. It was hard because I was constantly doing something or out and about. Plus, the three hour time difference didn't help. We chatted at length a couple of times. I talked to him almost every day after I got back and we planned our next date. It was the holiday weekend. We went to an interesting place that he researched, we ordered food and took it with us, and then went for a drive. We talked a lot again. That's the thing about us, we never ran out of subjects to talk about. It was so comfortable. We had a lot in common. I found the things that we didn't have in common most interesting. I really liked learning about him. His past and his current life. It felt like we were growing closer. We talked basically everyday. We always said that we enjoyed our conversations. We started talking about the near future. We planned another date for two weeks after that one.
This time we went for dinner and to a movie. During the whole movie we held hands. He caressed my arm and hand the whole time. I enjoyed every moment of it. We drove to the beach and talked for a while. We made out, a lot. We were becoming so much more comfortable with each other. We even talked about it later after he got home. That date changed a lot for me. It made me see that I was really ready to open up to someone again. To finally start letting my guard down. It was the turning point for me. I talked to my friends about it. I told them that I really liked him and that I was looking forward to seeing him again. Over the next couple of days we started discussing New Years Eve. Making plans for what to do that night. I had planned on going to Michigan to see friends, but the plans weren't solid, and I knew that I would rather spend it with him at his new place. Well, once he got one.
This post is very long... I know what to do!
To be continued...
Sunday, 4 September 2016
So, it's been a while... Let's catch up!
I can't believe that it has been over two and a half years since I've posted on this blog. I have to admit that I have really missed it. It's really therapeutic for me in a way. It allows me to get out my frustrations and basically talk out my feelings, observations, or anything that I've learned about myself and others around me. Sometimes it's just a way for me to deal.
So much has happened since I last posted. So many changes in my life and new experiences. I've changed positions at my job three times, I've gone on a double cruise vacation. I've been to four BBW bashes. I've gained several new friends. I joined a BBW dating type of site where I met an amazing guy who I started dating. My life has changed quite a bit.
My next couple of posts will be about the experiences I've had and the things I've learned. Hopefully they won't be too boring...
XOXO
LORS
XOXO
LORS
Tuesday, 7 January 2014
I Am A Fantasy...
I am the object of a fantasy for some guys. There are so many men out there walking around with the fantasy of sleeping with a SSBBW. Most woman would be surprised. In fact, the ones who I've told this to always are. They have been told all of their lives, just like I have, that men have no interest in bedding a woman who is fat. Well, not just fat but supah fat. Those people couldn't be more wrong. If that was the case I wouldn't be approached as much as I am both in person and online. I get hit on quite a bit in public. I have had men follow me and even run after me. I am totally not trying to toot my own horn. I am not trying to say that I am SO beautiful that I am irresistible to men. If that was the case, I wouldn't be single, and I would be out every weekend. What they are most interested in is my fat. Yup, fat. In particular my ass. The boobs help too but it's now my ass that turns their heads. My height and face probably have something to do with it once in a while but my fatness is what they are most interested it.
That is the problem. Some men see me as an object and not a person. I can't tell you how many times I have been approached either in person or online and the first thing a guy mentions is that they like that I am pear shaped. That's cool and everything. I understand that certain things attract people to others. Some people see a persons eyes, hair, smile, height, or even arms as the first thing that they are attracted to but that is usually not what their attraction is centered around. They see those features first and then find other parts of that person attractive. They will like their sense of humour, intelligence, wit, charm, and more which leads to a possible first date or further conversation. That isn't usually the case when I am approached. The men who approach me are so fixated on my size, and how they can use it in the bedroom, that they can't focus on anything else. They will usually ask me the regular get to know you questions but it is usually just out of social expectations. What they really want to know comes out within either the first or second conversation that they have with you. I will break it down by the top five questions that I am usually asked when they feel that they have humoured me enough to get me to answer what they are most interested in.
1. How much do you weigh? This is a question that most men would NEVER consider asking a regular sized woman. Much like asking some women their age, asking a woman her weight is a big taboo subject. It is one thing that woman lie about the most. If a woman tells you that she is a certain weight she is usually 10-20 pounds heavier than she claims. It is really none of your business and shouldn't have anything to do with her as a person. If she said that she was a certain weight would you say that you could no long talk? Well, actually, that has happened. Some men are hung up on the number and will actually stop talking to a woman if she isn't in the 400 or even 500 club. Some men who like SSBBWs are so obsessed with weight that if you don't ride on a scooter on a daily basis to get around, they aren't interested in you.
2. What are your measurements? Much like the weight question, this is also no ones business. This again has absolutely nothing to do with me as a person. I am a very fat person. You can see that in the full length pictures that I post. What difference does it make how big my waist, hips, bust, legs, or arms are? If they are 2 or 3 inches in either direction, does it really matter? Apparently it does. There was a guy who asked me what the measurement of my butt span is. Butt span? What the hell is that? Oh, I'll tell you. It is the the measurement of how wide your ass is when you sit down on a solid surface like a bench. You are supposed to measure from one end to the other to see how wide it is. I humoured him and measured because I was also curious. I didn't even know that people measured something this way. It was all for naught though. He wasn't impressed with mine because it wasn't wide enough. He wanted a woman who was at LEAST three feet wide. Yeah, that is probably never gonna happen. Once he knew I wasn't as wide as he hoped, he lost interest.
3. This should probably be number one since it has been brought up so many times lately but I will leave it as number three. Face sitting. I often get, "I love pear shaped women. You have the best asses for face sitting." That may be true for some but I am not into it. It's just not my thing. It scares the bejesus out of me and because I have horrible balance, I'm afraid that I will hurt my partner, or worse, kill him. It is something that I can't get past. I've been told that I need to do it because it is empowering and liberating. Nope. It freaks me the f*ck out so it isn't going to happen. I am constantly badgered by guys about it. It's like they think that if they keep bringing it up it will convince me to change my mind. They aren't considering my feelings on the matter. Again, they are only thinking about their wants and not me as a person. No means no. Let it go.
4. Squashing. It seems to go hand and hand with face sitting. If I'm not going to sit on your face, I'm probably not going to squash you either. The funny part about this one is that it is usually the shorter, skinny guys who ask about this. They like to feel a woman's weight on them. The bigger the better. I'm sorry, I just don't get how that can be fun, or as relaxing as I've been told it is. There is no way. Being smothered to death is not my idea of a good time. I know, I know, to each his own. I'm honestly not judging, I'm just not understanding the attraction. But, again, I am told that I need to try it with them because it is awesome and fun, I'll like it. Really, I just have to try it with them. They'll change my mind... Guess again.
5. How much do you eat? Enough to keep me alive. Also, apparently enough to keep me fat. I will settle this right now. I am a Feeder's nightmare. Seriously. I eat slow and I get full before I am done most of the time. I was at dinner with a friend a couple of weeks ago. She said, "Lors, how can you eat so slow? You've always been like that." We've known each other for 16 years. This shouldn't be surprising but it surprises her every time and others who I happen to have dinner with. They think that I could eat a whole pizza by myself in one sitting. Erm, no. I can eat but not like that. I have been known to make a pig of myself, but hasn't everyone? If I have a big meal it means that I haven't eaten that day and probably won't after. I have never been a person to have a midnight snack. I couldn't do it because it would make me feel so uncomfortable that I wouldn't be able to sleep. When I was in Vegas, I went to lunch with a skinny guy. We ate at a restaurant known for it's huge platter plate portions. I was able to eat maybe half of my biscuits n'gravy (first time I've ever had it and it was AWESOME!). He on the other hand cleaned his plate. Where the hell did it go? How is he not fat and I am? I really don't get it. I have been asked several times if I could eat a whole cheesecake at one time. Um, WHAT? Who the hell can eat a whole cheesecake at one time? If you can, I'm impressed. I would start puking 2 pieces in. That's if I could get to the second piece. Like I said, Feeder's nightmare.
This is the main reason why I think that I am still single. I am not willing to be a tool that a guy uses to fulfill his fetish or fantasy. I am a human being who deserves to have what everyone wants. I want to get married, have kids, be loved, and happy just like everyone else. I want someone who wants to be with me because they love everything about me and don't just see the fat. I'm starting to wonder if I will ever find that though. It has become so tedious and daunting that I am seriously thinking about giving up on all of my online dating profiles. I'm just wondering, is really worth the crap I have to go through to keep them?....
XOXO
Lors :o)
That is the problem. Some men see me as an object and not a person. I can't tell you how many times I have been approached either in person or online and the first thing a guy mentions is that they like that I am pear shaped. That's cool and everything. I understand that certain things attract people to others. Some people see a persons eyes, hair, smile, height, or even arms as the first thing that they are attracted to but that is usually not what their attraction is centered around. They see those features first and then find other parts of that person attractive. They will like their sense of humour, intelligence, wit, charm, and more which leads to a possible first date or further conversation. That isn't usually the case when I am approached. The men who approach me are so fixated on my size, and how they can use it in the bedroom, that they can't focus on anything else. They will usually ask me the regular get to know you questions but it is usually just out of social expectations. What they really want to know comes out within either the first or second conversation that they have with you. I will break it down by the top five questions that I am usually asked when they feel that they have humoured me enough to get me to answer what they are most interested in.
1. How much do you weigh? This is a question that most men would NEVER consider asking a regular sized woman. Much like asking some women their age, asking a woman her weight is a big taboo subject. It is one thing that woman lie about the most. If a woman tells you that she is a certain weight she is usually 10-20 pounds heavier than she claims. It is really none of your business and shouldn't have anything to do with her as a person. If she said that she was a certain weight would you say that you could no long talk? Well, actually, that has happened. Some men are hung up on the number and will actually stop talking to a woman if she isn't in the 400 or even 500 club. Some men who like SSBBWs are so obsessed with weight that if you don't ride on a scooter on a daily basis to get around, they aren't interested in you.
2. What are your measurements? Much like the weight question, this is also no ones business. This again has absolutely nothing to do with me as a person. I am a very fat person. You can see that in the full length pictures that I post. What difference does it make how big my waist, hips, bust, legs, or arms are? If they are 2 or 3 inches in either direction, does it really matter? Apparently it does. There was a guy who asked me what the measurement of my butt span is. Butt span? What the hell is that? Oh, I'll tell you. It is the the measurement of how wide your ass is when you sit down on a solid surface like a bench. You are supposed to measure from one end to the other to see how wide it is. I humoured him and measured because I was also curious. I didn't even know that people measured something this way. It was all for naught though. He wasn't impressed with mine because it wasn't wide enough. He wanted a woman who was at LEAST three feet wide. Yeah, that is probably never gonna happen. Once he knew I wasn't as wide as he hoped, he lost interest.
3. This should probably be number one since it has been brought up so many times lately but I will leave it as number three. Face sitting. I often get, "I love pear shaped women. You have the best asses for face sitting." That may be true for some but I am not into it. It's just not my thing. It scares the bejesus out of me and because I have horrible balance, I'm afraid that I will hurt my partner, or worse, kill him. It is something that I can't get past. I've been told that I need to do it because it is empowering and liberating. Nope. It freaks me the f*ck out so it isn't going to happen. I am constantly badgered by guys about it. It's like they think that if they keep bringing it up it will convince me to change my mind. They aren't considering my feelings on the matter. Again, they are only thinking about their wants and not me as a person. No means no. Let it go.
4. Squashing. It seems to go hand and hand with face sitting. If I'm not going to sit on your face, I'm probably not going to squash you either. The funny part about this one is that it is usually the shorter, skinny guys who ask about this. They like to feel a woman's weight on them. The bigger the better. I'm sorry, I just don't get how that can be fun, or as relaxing as I've been told it is. There is no way. Being smothered to death is not my idea of a good time. I know, I know, to each his own. I'm honestly not judging, I'm just not understanding the attraction. But, again, I am told that I need to try it with them because it is awesome and fun, I'll like it. Really, I just have to try it with them. They'll change my mind... Guess again.
5. How much do you eat? Enough to keep me alive. Also, apparently enough to keep me fat. I will settle this right now. I am a Feeder's nightmare. Seriously. I eat slow and I get full before I am done most of the time. I was at dinner with a friend a couple of weeks ago. She said, "Lors, how can you eat so slow? You've always been like that." We've known each other for 16 years. This shouldn't be surprising but it surprises her every time and others who I happen to have dinner with. They think that I could eat a whole pizza by myself in one sitting. Erm, no. I can eat but not like that. I have been known to make a pig of myself, but hasn't everyone? If I have a big meal it means that I haven't eaten that day and probably won't after. I have never been a person to have a midnight snack. I couldn't do it because it would make me feel so uncomfortable that I wouldn't be able to sleep. When I was in Vegas, I went to lunch with a skinny guy. We ate at a restaurant known for it's huge platter plate portions. I was able to eat maybe half of my biscuits n'gravy (first time I've ever had it and it was AWESOME!). He on the other hand cleaned his plate. Where the hell did it go? How is he not fat and I am? I really don't get it. I have been asked several times if I could eat a whole cheesecake at one time. Um, WHAT? Who the hell can eat a whole cheesecake at one time? If you can, I'm impressed. I would start puking 2 pieces in. That's if I could get to the second piece. Like I said, Feeder's nightmare.
This is the main reason why I think that I am still single. I am not willing to be a tool that a guy uses to fulfill his fetish or fantasy. I am a human being who deserves to have what everyone wants. I want to get married, have kids, be loved, and happy just like everyone else. I want someone who wants to be with me because they love everything about me and don't just see the fat. I'm starting to wonder if I will ever find that though. It has become so tedious and daunting that I am seriously thinking about giving up on all of my online dating profiles. I'm just wondering, is really worth the crap I have to go through to keep them?....
XOXO
Lors :o)
Saturday, 7 September 2013
Aaaaannnndd, I'm Back!
It has been a busy summer! It went by quickly too. For me, summer begins once my birthday has passed at the end of May. That is when all of my plans begin. My weekends are usually busy with different events. I always host a family reunion at the end of June which I look forward to every year to kick off the season. I see friends and usually have a party or two to attend.
This year I finally did what I have been threatening to do for years, I went to the BBW Bash in Las Vegas. It was the first ever bash that I have attended. I had a lot of fun and met a bunch of new people that are now friends. The people there were friendly and welcoming. It was awesome to meet so many people from around the world who were inviting and accepting. It was great to be in an environment where I could be myself and feel comfortable.
I drank quite a bit but after a while you just need to stop. lol I hadn't been to Vegas in 12 years and interestingly enough, the last time I was on a plane was on my way back from Vegas... I was so scared because my previous flights were terrifying but the flight there and back this time were both awesome. I'm not sure if I am going to go next year because I have some plans that I want to get off the ground including paying down/off my debt. We'll see though...
I would highly recommend going to a bash at least once. You could even go to a smaller starter bash to get your feet wet if you have any qualms about going to such a big event. I would also recommend going with someone or meeting up with someone there. It's better if you know people who are going so that they can show you the ropes, a.k.a. keep you in the know about certain players that you might want to avoid. Sadly, there are some people who go there just for the sport of adding notches to there belt, much like anywhere else, but it is always good to be a step ahead.
I would also like to recommend a card game that was played quite a lot, by random groups of people in the lobby, called Cards Against Humanity. The only way that you can play that game is if you let all of your inhibitions and morals go. You have to be in a diverse group of people for it to work and you can NOT be a person who gets easily offended. It is the most horrible, yet awesome game that you will ever play. Just be prepared that by playing that game you will most likely be going to hell because you are a horrible person... lol Do I know how to sell a game, or what? It isn't the type of game that you want to play with Grandma at Christmas time, so if you do decide to get the game for family functions, I recommend that you sensor it by pulling out the most offensive cards. I already have. lol
So, I have a bunch of posts that I plan on writing, not just based on Vegas but a couple of other things that I have been thinking about for a while. There are also a couple of stories that I would like to share that are based on my experience with online dating. I'm starting to believe that I am going to be single for the rest of my life... That is a whole other post though. lol
I guess that I should start sharing this blog so that I'm not the only one reading it...
XOXO
Lors :o)
This year I finally did what I have been threatening to do for years, I went to the BBW Bash in Las Vegas. It was the first ever bash that I have attended. I had a lot of fun and met a bunch of new people that are now friends. The people there were friendly and welcoming. It was awesome to meet so many people from around the world who were inviting and accepting. It was great to be in an environment where I could be myself and feel comfortable.
I drank quite a bit but after a while you just need to stop. lol I hadn't been to Vegas in 12 years and interestingly enough, the last time I was on a plane was on my way back from Vegas... I was so scared because my previous flights were terrifying but the flight there and back this time were both awesome. I'm not sure if I am going to go next year because I have some plans that I want to get off the ground including paying down/off my debt. We'll see though...
I would highly recommend going to a bash at least once. You could even go to a smaller starter bash to get your feet wet if you have any qualms about going to such a big event. I would also recommend going with someone or meeting up with someone there. It's better if you know people who are going so that they can show you the ropes, a.k.a. keep you in the know about certain players that you might want to avoid. Sadly, there are some people who go there just for the sport of adding notches to there belt, much like anywhere else, but it is always good to be a step ahead.
I would also like to recommend a card game that was played quite a lot, by random groups of people in the lobby, called Cards Against Humanity. The only way that you can play that game is if you let all of your inhibitions and morals go. You have to be in a diverse group of people for it to work and you can NOT be a person who gets easily offended. It is the most horrible, yet awesome game that you will ever play. Just be prepared that by playing that game you will most likely be going to hell because you are a horrible person... lol Do I know how to sell a game, or what? It isn't the type of game that you want to play with Grandma at Christmas time, so if you do decide to get the game for family functions, I recommend that you sensor it by pulling out the most offensive cards. I already have. lol
So, I have a bunch of posts that I plan on writing, not just based on Vegas but a couple of other things that I have been thinking about for a while. There are also a couple of stories that I would like to share that are based on my experience with online dating. I'm starting to believe that I am going to be single for the rest of my life... That is a whole other post though. lol
I guess that I should start sharing this blog so that I'm not the only one reading it...
XOXO
Lors :o)
Sunday, 16 June 2013
Cheesecake Photos
Well, at least that's what I call them. They have been all over my Facebook feed recently and I can't tell you how tired I am of seeing them. Oh, I guess I should explain what I'm talking about. They are very close photo (selfies) of women with sultry looks and full cleavage invading most of the frame. They usually have a caption like, "Good Morning." or, "Happy Friday!" or, "Good Nite All...." What they should say is, "Look at me! I have tits!" or, "I'm desperate for attention so I'm posting this pic on a random group that isn't for dating." or,"Looking for the wrong kind of attention..." It is such a blatant cry for attention that I sometimes feel like messaging them to offer help. They have to be lacking something in their life that causes them to beg for attention this way? I feel like going all Dr. Ruth or even Dr. Phil on them by wanting to get down to the root of the reason why they feel the need to display their goodies to the world. And they aren't the only ones, men do it to but instead of cleave shots of their moobs in a very revealing top, they have their shirts off completely showing their six, and not even close to a six, packs. Why do they feel that people need to see that?
If it was a picture for a personals ad I would get it. If it was a picture for a dating site I would also understand but still be a little concerned about their judgement. The whole not buying a cow if you can get the milk for free saying comes to mind. But the fact that they are posting it in a group that has to do with a common interest baffles me. Or in a group about an upcoming event. Are they trying to guarantee that they will have someone interested in them at the event so that going isn't all for naught? Are they trying to draw attention to a possible website that they have that offers pictures of them even more scantly clad or not wearing anything? I doubt the last one because I know a couple of people who have those types of sites and I have NEVER seen them post a picture of themselves in a group that has nothing to do with their site. I think that it all boils down to attention seeking and exhibitionism. I assume that it either raises their self esteem or they get off on having their girls front and centre knowing that anyone can see them and might think they are sexy...
Maybe I'm being a prude, but I always feel that there is a time and a place for the girls. When I go out I have been know to wear something that highlights my assets. I have worn Halloween costumes and club wear that show enough cleavage to make the San Andreas Fault jealous. Okay, I'm over selling it but it was quite a bit and I was surprised that I was so bold on a couple of occasions. But I would never think to take a picture of me, with the titties front and centre, with a come hither look on my face, that had the caption of "Happy Friday" on it. I could only imagine how happy of a Friday that might cause for some guy who took it upon himself to add it to his spank bank. *shudder* (shower to follow) Once it's out their for the world to see, there is no taking it back. This is also true about the opinion that one would make of me without even knowing me as a person first. That is where the negative attention would come from and could actually get to a scary point that I don't even want to imagine.
As I mentioned before, men do it too. Sometimes it is just a close up of their face with or without bedroom eyes. Other times it is a waist up, shirtless picture with oiled up abs. The other day I was "lucky" enough to see a crotch pick of a man in a white speedo with a very prominent erection. I was more disgusted than interested. I really didn't need to see that and I'm sure most others didn't either. A friend commented with "Seriously?" which was her way of asking what was wrong with him. He took it as interest instead and said, "Y ;)" Gross! I feel like I need a double shower this time. The exhibitionism and self promotion is getting so bad that I have had to remove myself from a couple of groups that have NOTHING to do with dating. I am on those groups for the reason that they were intended, to get information only. Nothing more.
There has to be a way to curtail this behaviour! Something like a cyber smack on the nose with a rolled up newspaper. There should be a function on Facebook that would allow us to drop those people along with their pictures in a personals group. Maybe we need some kind of multiple step program that can be offered to the exhibitionists. We need to have someone that will come in and go all Dr. Phil on them. There is obviously something in their head that is telling them that it would be a good self esteem boost to put a picture out their for the world to see. We need to get down to the root of this epidemic or else much like pictures of meals before they are eaten, our feeds are going to be bombarded with slefies of people before they leave the house, go to bed, eat a meal, take a shower, work out, watch TV, brush their teeth, gas up their car, the list goes on...
You too can help stop the "sexy" selfies!
XOXO
Lors :o)
If it was a picture for a personals ad I would get it. If it was a picture for a dating site I would also understand but still be a little concerned about their judgement. The whole not buying a cow if you can get the milk for free saying comes to mind. But the fact that they are posting it in a group that has to do with a common interest baffles me. Or in a group about an upcoming event. Are they trying to guarantee that they will have someone interested in them at the event so that going isn't all for naught? Are they trying to draw attention to a possible website that they have that offers pictures of them even more scantly clad or not wearing anything? I doubt the last one because I know a couple of people who have those types of sites and I have NEVER seen them post a picture of themselves in a group that has nothing to do with their site. I think that it all boils down to attention seeking and exhibitionism. I assume that it either raises their self esteem or they get off on having their girls front and centre knowing that anyone can see them and might think they are sexy...
Maybe I'm being a prude, but I always feel that there is a time and a place for the girls. When I go out I have been know to wear something that highlights my assets. I have worn Halloween costumes and club wear that show enough cleavage to make the San Andreas Fault jealous. Okay, I'm over selling it but it was quite a bit and I was surprised that I was so bold on a couple of occasions. But I would never think to take a picture of me, with the titties front and centre, with a come hither look on my face, that had the caption of "Happy Friday" on it. I could only imagine how happy of a Friday that might cause for some guy who took it upon himself to add it to his spank bank. *shudder* (shower to follow) Once it's out their for the world to see, there is no taking it back. This is also true about the opinion that one would make of me without even knowing me as a person first. That is where the negative attention would come from and could actually get to a scary point that I don't even want to imagine.
As I mentioned before, men do it too. Sometimes it is just a close up of their face with or without bedroom eyes. Other times it is a waist up, shirtless picture with oiled up abs. The other day I was "lucky" enough to see a crotch pick of a man in a white speedo with a very prominent erection. I was more disgusted than interested. I really didn't need to see that and I'm sure most others didn't either. A friend commented with "Seriously?" which was her way of asking what was wrong with him. He took it as interest instead and said, "Y ;)" Gross! I feel like I need a double shower this time. The exhibitionism and self promotion is getting so bad that I have had to remove myself from a couple of groups that have NOTHING to do with dating. I am on those groups for the reason that they were intended, to get information only. Nothing more.
There has to be a way to curtail this behaviour! Something like a cyber smack on the nose with a rolled up newspaper. There should be a function on Facebook that would allow us to drop those people along with their pictures in a personals group. Maybe we need some kind of multiple step program that can be offered to the exhibitionists. We need to have someone that will come in and go all Dr. Phil on them. There is obviously something in their head that is telling them that it would be a good self esteem boost to put a picture out their for the world to see. We need to get down to the root of this epidemic or else much like pictures of meals before they are eaten, our feeds are going to be bombarded with slefies of people before they leave the house, go to bed, eat a meal, take a shower, work out, watch TV, brush their teeth, gas up their car, the list goes on...
You too can help stop the "sexy" selfies!
XOXO
Lors :o)
Sunday, 7 April 2013
The Art (Basics) of Intercourse...
Whoa there, cowboy! Before you start scrolling down looking for x-rated pictures, diagrams, and "pie" charts, I want to clarify that by intercourse I mean conversation. Yeah, I could have actually used the word conversation but how else was I going to draw my male audience in? Also, the other intercourse that you thought I was referring to is kind of what I'm going to talk about. Okay, I think that I may be misleading you again. It's actually on purpose. It has to do with the theme of today's post which is going to centre around talking to females. I know, I know, you're probably saying to yourself, "I know how to talk to women. I don't need any pointers." Ohhh, I beg to differ. In fact, I am almost sure that you need some pointers. Even if you don't think so just humour me and continue reading.
I have noticed that when a man approaches me in public he is usually polite. He introduces himself and is mostly quite complimentary. Even if I let him know that I'm not interested he still keeps his manners in tact and moves on. Why, oh why, is this so difficult online? I can't tell you how many times I have received a message from a man that starts with either vulgarity or is inappropriate altogether. So many men let their penis lead the conversation instead of their brain. It becomes quite daunting especially after I've read a well written and interesting profile or first message. I will get a little excited thinking that I'm about to communicate with someone who can lead a conversation and all of a sudden a get a message like, "How big is your ass?" or "Do you have any pictures of you naked?" or my personal favourite, "What's your favourite sexual position?" Seriously??? You want to lead with that??? Why would a man think that is a turn on for a woman? You wouldn't go up to a lady in public and ask her that kind of a question so what makes you think that it's appropriate to do so online?
Now, I'm not saying that every guy starts that way but there have been so many lately that I'm starting to wonder if there is some kind of online training course that some of these men are taking. Here is a great example of a messaging conversation that I had with a guy who turned out to be a douche pretty quickly. Keep in mind that this was on a dating site for people who are only supposed to be looking for a serious relationship...
Him: So i've already decided we're gonna make out. But, don't worry, i've seen the future and it'll be hot..I swear
How's your Saturday goin'? Any big plans??
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 7:47:11 PM
Me: Lolfr! Okay, I have to admit, that was awesome. I'm home so that will tell you something about my Saturday night. How is yours?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 7:49:27 PM
Him: Aww, that's no fun! Especially considering you're in (the same city)! Ooooooh! lol
My night is okay. Just sorta winding down, as I have an unfortunately early morning tomorrow. That's what happens when you agree to help out your friends with all their crazy ventures! lol
So here's a good question for you since we're so well acquainted now!....Are you adventurous and spontaneous?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 7:54:13 PM
Me: I'm afraid to ask what you mean by adventurous and spontaneous... Tread lightly when answering. lol
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 7:56:34 PM
Him: hmm, I suppose i mean it in a general sense! I'm just testing the waters with you....still not so sure about you young lady! lol
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:00:54 PM
Me: lol @ young lady What kind of job do you have in law enforcement? Vice? Is that why you are coyly asking about my spontaneity and sense of adventure?
I guess it really depends on the situation and/or activity...
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:03:13 PM
Him: What if the activity was me?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:05:05 PM
Me: Oh boy. Are you just looking for a one night stand, friend with benefits, or "activity" partner only? Are you a closet FA?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:09:48 PM
Him: I don't even know what a closet FA means? lol But seriously, you can tell me truthfully and with no inhibitions..you'd like to get together with me obviously, right?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:15:11 PM
Me: I admire your confidence and appreciate your candor but I'm not looking to just sleep with a random dude regardless of my attraction to them. A closet FA is a Fat Admirer who wants to do a fat chick but would never consider dating one.
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:16:40 PM
Him: Nah...however, I happen to know that full figured women give the best head and LOVE to do it...you'd have to agree with me on that one right?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:19:44 PM
Me: Why do you think that is? Other than a BJ are you interested in a full figured girl for anything else?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:21:01 PM
Him: I don't think it, I know it lol And yes I would be interested in more. But i'm not gonna lie, I think you'd give amazing head, and I can guarantee you'd love doing it to me
Me: A guarantee, huh? Well, here's the thing, I have a rule. I don't give until I receive first. I am not so desperate for a man to be interested in me that I would get down on my knees, or in any other position, to suck you or any guy off. I don't need to. I also have too much respect for myself. I think that you may be hung up on a stereotype that isn't true for most of us big girls.
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:29:04 PM
Him: Nah, i'm hung up on a stereotype that's true for all girls, which is that i'm hot lol
(He had been sending his picture with every message. This is when he stopped)
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:33:31 PM
Me: But you see, saying things like that makes you less attractive. In order to be truly "hot" isn't just about good looks, it's also about attitude and the respect you demonstrate for others. Does this approach really work for you?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:37:52 PM
Him: do i need to take a screen shot of my inbox for you? lol and yes, confidence speaks leaps and bounds for me....you don't really want some pussy pushover fag with no balls do you??
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:45:45 PM
Me: Well, I guess desperation will affect the judgement of woman at times... Homophobic too? You ARE a peach!
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:48:41 PM
Him: So you're saying that you're desperate because you use (this site)?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:53:25 PM
Me: I wasn't the one who initiated messaging. Your inbox may have a lot of messages and responses but how many of them continue once they realise the type of guy you are and what you're actually looking for?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:54:51 PM
Him: not many, because they don't have to continue when we're meeting in person...see, some people like to allow themselves the right to have fun and enjoyment in their life. It's a shame you don't feel the same!
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 9:02:33 PM
Me: Oh, I do but I think that fun and excitement doesn't include giving BJ's to a random stranger who wants to use women on a dating site as free form of prostitution.
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 9:04:16 PM
Him: do us both a favor and stop messaging me, thanks
So, THAT is what I'm talking about. It really makes me wonder if there is any point to online dating especially with so many men out there who are hung up on the stereotype that Fat = Easy. It is rare to find a guy who doesn't bring sex into the conversation within the first five questions. I understand that as humans we are sexual beings. I get that. But what I don't get is how any man thinks that he is going to start a relationship of any kind with a woman by talking to them that way. If sex is really important to you, why not put in the work to get a woman who would probably be more than willing to provide it on a regular basis? The way that conversation started was cute and caught my attention but when he started showing his true colours any kind of attraction I had to him vanished quickly. I say in my dating profile that I am attracted to confidence but not arrogance and warn that there is a fine line between the two. Please keep that in mind that it's great to want to impress a woman but I am always more impressed when a guy is polite, courteous, and respectful.
Happy dating!
xoxo Lors :o)
I have noticed that when a man approaches me in public he is usually polite. He introduces himself and is mostly quite complimentary. Even if I let him know that I'm not interested he still keeps his manners in tact and moves on. Why, oh why, is this so difficult online? I can't tell you how many times I have received a message from a man that starts with either vulgarity or is inappropriate altogether. So many men let their penis lead the conversation instead of their brain. It becomes quite daunting especially after I've read a well written and interesting profile or first message. I will get a little excited thinking that I'm about to communicate with someone who can lead a conversation and all of a sudden a get a message like, "How big is your ass?" or "Do you have any pictures of you naked?" or my personal favourite, "What's your favourite sexual position?" Seriously??? You want to lead with that??? Why would a man think that is a turn on for a woman? You wouldn't go up to a lady in public and ask her that kind of a question so what makes you think that it's appropriate to do so online?
Now, I'm not saying that every guy starts that way but there have been so many lately that I'm starting to wonder if there is some kind of online training course that some of these men are taking. Here is a great example of a messaging conversation that I had with a guy who turned out to be a douche pretty quickly. Keep in mind that this was on a dating site for people who are only supposed to be looking for a serious relationship...
Him: So i've already decided we're gonna make out. But, don't worry, i've seen the future and it'll be hot..I swear
How's your Saturday goin'? Any big plans??Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 7:47:11 PM
Me: Lolfr! Okay, I have to admit, that was awesome. I'm home so that will tell you something about my Saturday night. How is yours?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 7:49:27 PM
Him: Aww, that's no fun! Especially considering you're in (the same city)! Ooooooh! lol
My night is okay. Just sorta winding down, as I have an unfortunately early morning tomorrow. That's what happens when you agree to help out your friends with all their crazy ventures! lol
So here's a good question for you since we're so well acquainted now!
....Are you adventurous and spontaneous?Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 7:54:13 PM
Me: I'm afraid to ask what you mean by adventurous and spontaneous... Tread lightly when answering. lol
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 7:56:34 PM
Him: hmm, I suppose i mean it in a general sense! I'm just testing the waters with you....still not so sure about you young lady! lol
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:00:54 PM
Me: lol @ young lady What kind of job do you have in law enforcement? Vice? Is that why you are coyly asking about my spontaneity and sense of adventure?
I guess it really depends on the situation and/or activity...
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:03:13 PM
Him: What if the activity was me?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:05:05 PM
Me: Oh boy. Are you just looking for a one night stand, friend with benefits, or "activity" partner only? Are you a closet FA?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:09:48 PM
Him: I don't even know what a closet FA means? lol But seriously, you can tell me truthfully and with no inhibitions..you'd like to get together with me obviously, right?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:15:11 PM
Me: I admire your confidence and appreciate your candor but I'm not looking to just sleep with a random dude regardless of my attraction to them. A closet FA is a Fat Admirer who wants to do a fat chick but would never consider dating one.
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:16:40 PM
Him: Nah...however, I happen to know that full figured women give the best head and LOVE to do it...you'd have to agree with me on that one right?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:19:44 PM
Me: Why do you think that is? Other than a BJ are you interested in a full figured girl for anything else?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:21:01 PM
Him: I don't think it, I know it lol And yes I would be interested in more. But i'm not gonna lie, I think you'd give amazing head, and I can guarantee you'd love doing it to me
Me: A guarantee, huh? Well, here's the thing, I have a rule. I don't give until I receive first. I am not so desperate for a man to be interested in me that I would get down on my knees, or in any other position, to suck you or any guy off. I don't need to. I also have too much respect for myself. I think that you may be hung up on a stereotype that isn't true for most of us big girls.
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:29:04 PM
Him: Nah, i'm hung up on a stereotype that's true for all girls, which is that i'm hot lol
(He had been sending his picture with every message. This is when he stopped)
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:33:31 PM
Me: But you see, saying things like that makes you less attractive. In order to be truly "hot" isn't just about good looks, it's also about attitude and the respect you demonstrate for others. Does this approach really work for you?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:37:52 PM
Him: do i need to take a screen shot of my inbox for you? lol and yes, confidence speaks leaps and bounds for me....you don't really want some pussy pushover fag with no balls do you??
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:45:45 PM
Me: Well, I guess desperation will affect the judgement of woman at times... Homophobic too? You ARE a peach!
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:48:41 PM
Him: So you're saying that you're desperate because you use (this site)?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:53:25 PM
Me: I wasn't the one who initiated messaging. Your inbox may have a lot of messages and responses but how many of them continue once they realise the type of guy you are and what you're actually looking for?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:54:51 PM
Him: not many, because they don't have to continue when we're meeting in person...see, some people like to allow themselves the right to have fun and enjoyment in their life. It's a shame you don't feel the same!
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 9:02:33 PM
Me: Oh, I do but I think that fun and excitement doesn't include giving BJ's to a random stranger who wants to use women on a dating site as free form of prostitution.
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 9:04:16 PM
Him: do us both a favor and stop messaging me, thanks
So, THAT is what I'm talking about. It really makes me wonder if there is any point to online dating especially with so many men out there who are hung up on the stereotype that Fat = Easy. It is rare to find a guy who doesn't bring sex into the conversation within the first five questions. I understand that as humans we are sexual beings. I get that. But what I don't get is how any man thinks that he is going to start a relationship of any kind with a woman by talking to them that way. If sex is really important to you, why not put in the work to get a woman who would probably be more than willing to provide it on a regular basis? The way that conversation started was cute and caught my attention but when he started showing his true colours any kind of attraction I had to him vanished quickly. I say in my dating profile that I am attracted to confidence but not arrogance and warn that there is a fine line between the two. Please keep that in mind that it's great to want to impress a woman but I am always more impressed when a guy is polite, courteous, and respectful.
Happy dating!
xoxo Lors :o)
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