It has been a busy summer! It went by quickly too. For me, summer begins once my birthday has passed at the end of May. That is when all of my plans begin. My weekends are usually busy with different events. I always host a family reunion at the end of June which I look forward to every year to kick off the season. I see friends and usually have a party or two to attend.
This year I finally did what I have been threatening to do for years, I went to the BBW Bash in Las Vegas. It was the first ever bash that I have attended. I had a lot of fun and met a bunch of new people that are now friends. The people there were friendly and welcoming. It was awesome to meet so many people from around the world who were inviting and accepting. It was great to be in an environment where I could be myself and feel comfortable.
I drank quite a bit but after a while you just need to stop. lol I hadn't been to Vegas in 12 years and interestingly enough, the last time I was on a plane was on my way back from Vegas... I was so scared because my previous flights were terrifying but the flight there and back this time were both awesome. I'm not sure if I am going to go next year because I have some plans that I want to get off the ground including paying down/off my debt. We'll see though...
I would highly recommend going to a bash at least once. You could even go to a smaller starter bash to get your feet wet if you have any qualms about going to such a big event. I would also recommend going with someone or meeting up with someone there. It's better if you know people who are going so that they can show you the ropes, a.k.a. keep you in the know about certain players that you might want to avoid. Sadly, there are some people who go there just for the sport of adding notches to there belt, much like anywhere else, but it is always good to be a step ahead.
I would also like to recommend a card game that was played quite a lot, by random groups of people in the lobby, called Cards Against Humanity. The only way that you can play that game is if you let all of your inhibitions and morals go. You have to be in a diverse group of people for it to work and you can NOT be a person who gets easily offended. It is the most horrible, yet awesome game that you will ever play. Just be prepared that by playing that game you will most likely be going to hell because you are a horrible person... lol Do I know how to sell a game, or what? It isn't the type of game that you want to play with Grandma at Christmas time, so if you do decide to get the game for family functions, I recommend that you sensor it by pulling out the most offensive cards. I already have. lol
So, I have a bunch of posts that I plan on writing, not just based on Vegas but a couple of other things that I have been thinking about for a while. There are also a couple of stories that I would like to share that are based on my experience with online dating. I'm starting to believe that I am going to be single for the rest of my life... That is a whole other post though. lol
I guess that I should start sharing this blog so that I'm not the only one reading it...
XOXO
Lors :o)
Saturday, 7 September 2013
Sunday, 16 June 2013
Cheesecake Photos
Well, at least that's what I call them. They have been all over my Facebook feed recently and I can't tell you how tired I am of seeing them. Oh, I guess I should explain what I'm talking about. They are very close photo (selfies) of women with sultry looks and full cleavage invading most of the frame. They usually have a caption like, "Good Morning." or, "Happy Friday!" or, "Good Nite All...." What they should say is, "Look at me! I have tits!" or, "I'm desperate for attention so I'm posting this pic on a random group that isn't for dating." or,"Looking for the wrong kind of attention..." It is such a blatant cry for attention that I sometimes feel like messaging them to offer help. They have to be lacking something in their life that causes them to beg for attention this way? I feel like going all Dr. Ruth or even Dr. Phil on them by wanting to get down to the root of the reason why they feel the need to display their goodies to the world. And they aren't the only ones, men do it to but instead of cleave shots of their moobs in a very revealing top, they have their shirts off completely showing their six, and not even close to a six, packs. Why do they feel that people need to see that?
If it was a picture for a personals ad I would get it. If it was a picture for a dating site I would also understand but still be a little concerned about their judgement. The whole not buying a cow if you can get the milk for free saying comes to mind. But the fact that they are posting it in a group that has to do with a common interest baffles me. Or in a group about an upcoming event. Are they trying to guarantee that they will have someone interested in them at the event so that going isn't all for naught? Are they trying to draw attention to a possible website that they have that offers pictures of them even more scantly clad or not wearing anything? I doubt the last one because I know a couple of people who have those types of sites and I have NEVER seen them post a picture of themselves in a group that has nothing to do with their site. I think that it all boils down to attention seeking and exhibitionism. I assume that it either raises their self esteem or they get off on having their girls front and centre knowing that anyone can see them and might think they are sexy...
Maybe I'm being a prude, but I always feel that there is a time and a place for the girls. When I go out I have been know to wear something that highlights my assets. I have worn Halloween costumes and club wear that show enough cleavage to make the San Andreas Fault jealous. Okay, I'm over selling it but it was quite a bit and I was surprised that I was so bold on a couple of occasions. But I would never think to take a picture of me, with the titties front and centre, with a come hither look on my face, that had the caption of "Happy Friday" on it. I could only imagine how happy of a Friday that might cause for some guy who took it upon himself to add it to his spank bank. *shudder* (shower to follow) Once it's out their for the world to see, there is no taking it back. This is also true about the opinion that one would make of me without even knowing me as a person first. That is where the negative attention would come from and could actually get to a scary point that I don't even want to imagine.
As I mentioned before, men do it too. Sometimes it is just a close up of their face with or without bedroom eyes. Other times it is a waist up, shirtless picture with oiled up abs. The other day I was "lucky" enough to see a crotch pick of a man in a white speedo with a very prominent erection. I was more disgusted than interested. I really didn't need to see that and I'm sure most others didn't either. A friend commented with "Seriously?" which was her way of asking what was wrong with him. He took it as interest instead and said, "Y ;)" Gross! I feel like I need a double shower this time. The exhibitionism and self promotion is getting so bad that I have had to remove myself from a couple of groups that have NOTHING to do with dating. I am on those groups for the reason that they were intended, to get information only. Nothing more.
There has to be a way to curtail this behaviour! Something like a cyber smack on the nose with a rolled up newspaper. There should be a function on Facebook that would allow us to drop those people along with their pictures in a personals group. Maybe we need some kind of multiple step program that can be offered to the exhibitionists. We need to have someone that will come in and go all Dr. Phil on them. There is obviously something in their head that is telling them that it would be a good self esteem boost to put a picture out their for the world to see. We need to get down to the root of this epidemic or else much like pictures of meals before they are eaten, our feeds are going to be bombarded with slefies of people before they leave the house, go to bed, eat a meal, take a shower, work out, watch TV, brush their teeth, gas up their car, the list goes on...
You too can help stop the "sexy" selfies!
XOXO
Lors :o)
If it was a picture for a personals ad I would get it. If it was a picture for a dating site I would also understand but still be a little concerned about their judgement. The whole not buying a cow if you can get the milk for free saying comes to mind. But the fact that they are posting it in a group that has to do with a common interest baffles me. Or in a group about an upcoming event. Are they trying to guarantee that they will have someone interested in them at the event so that going isn't all for naught? Are they trying to draw attention to a possible website that they have that offers pictures of them even more scantly clad or not wearing anything? I doubt the last one because I know a couple of people who have those types of sites and I have NEVER seen them post a picture of themselves in a group that has nothing to do with their site. I think that it all boils down to attention seeking and exhibitionism. I assume that it either raises their self esteem or they get off on having their girls front and centre knowing that anyone can see them and might think they are sexy...
Maybe I'm being a prude, but I always feel that there is a time and a place for the girls. When I go out I have been know to wear something that highlights my assets. I have worn Halloween costumes and club wear that show enough cleavage to make the San Andreas Fault jealous. Okay, I'm over selling it but it was quite a bit and I was surprised that I was so bold on a couple of occasions. But I would never think to take a picture of me, with the titties front and centre, with a come hither look on my face, that had the caption of "Happy Friday" on it. I could only imagine how happy of a Friday that might cause for some guy who took it upon himself to add it to his spank bank. *shudder* (shower to follow) Once it's out their for the world to see, there is no taking it back. This is also true about the opinion that one would make of me without even knowing me as a person first. That is where the negative attention would come from and could actually get to a scary point that I don't even want to imagine.
As I mentioned before, men do it too. Sometimes it is just a close up of their face with or without bedroom eyes. Other times it is a waist up, shirtless picture with oiled up abs. The other day I was "lucky" enough to see a crotch pick of a man in a white speedo with a very prominent erection. I was more disgusted than interested. I really didn't need to see that and I'm sure most others didn't either. A friend commented with "Seriously?" which was her way of asking what was wrong with him. He took it as interest instead and said, "Y ;)" Gross! I feel like I need a double shower this time. The exhibitionism and self promotion is getting so bad that I have had to remove myself from a couple of groups that have NOTHING to do with dating. I am on those groups for the reason that they were intended, to get information only. Nothing more.
There has to be a way to curtail this behaviour! Something like a cyber smack on the nose with a rolled up newspaper. There should be a function on Facebook that would allow us to drop those people along with their pictures in a personals group. Maybe we need some kind of multiple step program that can be offered to the exhibitionists. We need to have someone that will come in and go all Dr. Phil on them. There is obviously something in their head that is telling them that it would be a good self esteem boost to put a picture out their for the world to see. We need to get down to the root of this epidemic or else much like pictures of meals before they are eaten, our feeds are going to be bombarded with slefies of people before they leave the house, go to bed, eat a meal, take a shower, work out, watch TV, brush their teeth, gas up their car, the list goes on...
You too can help stop the "sexy" selfies!
XOXO
Lors :o)
Sunday, 7 April 2013
The Art (Basics) of Intercourse...
Whoa there, cowboy! Before you start scrolling down looking for x-rated pictures, diagrams, and "pie" charts, I want to clarify that by intercourse I mean conversation. Yeah, I could have actually used the word conversation but how else was I going to draw my male audience in? Also, the other intercourse that you thought I was referring to is kind of what I'm going to talk about. Okay, I think that I may be misleading you again. It's actually on purpose. It has to do with the theme of today's post which is going to centre around talking to females. I know, I know, you're probably saying to yourself, "I know how to talk to women. I don't need any pointers." Ohhh, I beg to differ. In fact, I am almost sure that you need some pointers. Even if you don't think so just humour me and continue reading.
I have noticed that when a man approaches me in public he is usually polite. He introduces himself and is mostly quite complimentary. Even if I let him know that I'm not interested he still keeps his manners in tact and moves on. Why, oh why, is this so difficult online? I can't tell you how many times I have received a message from a man that starts with either vulgarity or is inappropriate altogether. So many men let their penis lead the conversation instead of their brain. It becomes quite daunting especially after I've read a well written and interesting profile or first message. I will get a little excited thinking that I'm about to communicate with someone who can lead a conversation and all of a sudden a get a message like, "How big is your ass?" or "Do you have any pictures of you naked?" or my personal favourite, "What's your favourite sexual position?" Seriously??? You want to lead with that??? Why would a man think that is a turn on for a woman? You wouldn't go up to a lady in public and ask her that kind of a question so what makes you think that it's appropriate to do so online?
Now, I'm not saying that every guy starts that way but there have been so many lately that I'm starting to wonder if there is some kind of online training course that some of these men are taking. Here is a great example of a messaging conversation that I had with a guy who turned out to be a douche pretty quickly. Keep in mind that this was on a dating site for people who are only supposed to be looking for a serious relationship...
Him: So i've already decided we're gonna make out. But, don't worry, i've seen the future and it'll be hot..I swear
How's your Saturday goin'? Any big plans??
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 7:47:11 PM
Me: Lolfr! Okay, I have to admit, that was awesome. I'm home so that will tell you something about my Saturday night. How is yours?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 7:49:27 PM
Him: Aww, that's no fun! Especially considering you're in (the same city)! Ooooooh! lol
My night is okay. Just sorta winding down, as I have an unfortunately early morning tomorrow. That's what happens when you agree to help out your friends with all their crazy ventures! lol
So here's a good question for you since we're so well acquainted now!....Are you adventurous and spontaneous?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 7:54:13 PM
Me: I'm afraid to ask what you mean by adventurous and spontaneous... Tread lightly when answering. lol
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 7:56:34 PM
Him: hmm, I suppose i mean it in a general sense! I'm just testing the waters with you....still not so sure about you young lady! lol
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:00:54 PM
Me: lol @ young lady What kind of job do you have in law enforcement? Vice? Is that why you are coyly asking about my spontaneity and sense of adventure?
I guess it really depends on the situation and/or activity...
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:03:13 PM
Him: What if the activity was me?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:05:05 PM
Me: Oh boy. Are you just looking for a one night stand, friend with benefits, or "activity" partner only? Are you a closet FA?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:09:48 PM
Him: I don't even know what a closet FA means? lol But seriously, you can tell me truthfully and with no inhibitions..you'd like to get together with me obviously, right?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:15:11 PM
Me: I admire your confidence and appreciate your candor but I'm not looking to just sleep with a random dude regardless of my attraction to them. A closet FA is a Fat Admirer who wants to do a fat chick but would never consider dating one.
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:16:40 PM
Him: Nah...however, I happen to know that full figured women give the best head and LOVE to do it...you'd have to agree with me on that one right?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:19:44 PM
Me: Why do you think that is? Other than a BJ are you interested in a full figured girl for anything else?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:21:01 PM
Him: I don't think it, I know it lol And yes I would be interested in more. But i'm not gonna lie, I think you'd give amazing head, and I can guarantee you'd love doing it to me
Me: A guarantee, huh? Well, here's the thing, I have a rule. I don't give until I receive first. I am not so desperate for a man to be interested in me that I would get down on my knees, or in any other position, to suck you or any guy off. I don't need to. I also have too much respect for myself. I think that you may be hung up on a stereotype that isn't true for most of us big girls.
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:29:04 PM
Him: Nah, i'm hung up on a stereotype that's true for all girls, which is that i'm hot lol
(He had been sending his picture with every message. This is when he stopped)
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:33:31 PM
Me: But you see, saying things like that makes you less attractive. In order to be truly "hot" isn't just about good looks, it's also about attitude and the respect you demonstrate for others. Does this approach really work for you?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:37:52 PM
Him: do i need to take a screen shot of my inbox for you? lol and yes, confidence speaks leaps and bounds for me....you don't really want some pussy pushover fag with no balls do you??
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:45:45 PM
Me: Well, I guess desperation will affect the judgement of woman at times... Homophobic too? You ARE a peach!
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:48:41 PM
Him: So you're saying that you're desperate because you use (this site)?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:53:25 PM
Me: I wasn't the one who initiated messaging. Your inbox may have a lot of messages and responses but how many of them continue once they realise the type of guy you are and what you're actually looking for?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:54:51 PM
Him: not many, because they don't have to continue when we're meeting in person...see, some people like to allow themselves the right to have fun and enjoyment in their life. It's a shame you don't feel the same!
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 9:02:33 PM
Me: Oh, I do but I think that fun and excitement doesn't include giving BJ's to a random stranger who wants to use women on a dating site as free form of prostitution.
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 9:04:16 PM
Him: do us both a favor and stop messaging me, thanks
So, THAT is what I'm talking about. It really makes me wonder if there is any point to online dating especially with so many men out there who are hung up on the stereotype that Fat = Easy. It is rare to find a guy who doesn't bring sex into the conversation within the first five questions. I understand that as humans we are sexual beings. I get that. But what I don't get is how any man thinks that he is going to start a relationship of any kind with a woman by talking to them that way. If sex is really important to you, why not put in the work to get a woman who would probably be more than willing to provide it on a regular basis? The way that conversation started was cute and caught my attention but when he started showing his true colours any kind of attraction I had to him vanished quickly. I say in my dating profile that I am attracted to confidence but not arrogance and warn that there is a fine line between the two. Please keep that in mind that it's great to want to impress a woman but I am always more impressed when a guy is polite, courteous, and respectful.
Happy dating!
xoxo Lors :o)
I have noticed that when a man approaches me in public he is usually polite. He introduces himself and is mostly quite complimentary. Even if I let him know that I'm not interested he still keeps his manners in tact and moves on. Why, oh why, is this so difficult online? I can't tell you how many times I have received a message from a man that starts with either vulgarity or is inappropriate altogether. So many men let their penis lead the conversation instead of their brain. It becomes quite daunting especially after I've read a well written and interesting profile or first message. I will get a little excited thinking that I'm about to communicate with someone who can lead a conversation and all of a sudden a get a message like, "How big is your ass?" or "Do you have any pictures of you naked?" or my personal favourite, "What's your favourite sexual position?" Seriously??? You want to lead with that??? Why would a man think that is a turn on for a woman? You wouldn't go up to a lady in public and ask her that kind of a question so what makes you think that it's appropriate to do so online?
Now, I'm not saying that every guy starts that way but there have been so many lately that I'm starting to wonder if there is some kind of online training course that some of these men are taking. Here is a great example of a messaging conversation that I had with a guy who turned out to be a douche pretty quickly. Keep in mind that this was on a dating site for people who are only supposed to be looking for a serious relationship...
Him: So i've already decided we're gonna make out. But, don't worry, i've seen the future and it'll be hot..I swear
How's your Saturday goin'? Any big plans??Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 7:47:11 PM
Me: Lolfr! Okay, I have to admit, that was awesome. I'm home so that will tell you something about my Saturday night. How is yours?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 7:49:27 PM
Him: Aww, that's no fun! Especially considering you're in (the same city)! Ooooooh! lol
My night is okay. Just sorta winding down, as I have an unfortunately early morning tomorrow. That's what happens when you agree to help out your friends with all their crazy ventures! lol
So here's a good question for you since we're so well acquainted now!
....Are you adventurous and spontaneous?Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 7:54:13 PM
Me: I'm afraid to ask what you mean by adventurous and spontaneous... Tread lightly when answering. lol
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 7:56:34 PM
Him: hmm, I suppose i mean it in a general sense! I'm just testing the waters with you....still not so sure about you young lady! lol
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:00:54 PM
Me: lol @ young lady What kind of job do you have in law enforcement? Vice? Is that why you are coyly asking about my spontaneity and sense of adventure?
I guess it really depends on the situation and/or activity...
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:03:13 PM
Him: What if the activity was me?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:05:05 PM
Me: Oh boy. Are you just looking for a one night stand, friend with benefits, or "activity" partner only? Are you a closet FA?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:09:48 PM
Him: I don't even know what a closet FA means? lol But seriously, you can tell me truthfully and with no inhibitions..you'd like to get together with me obviously, right?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:15:11 PM
Me: I admire your confidence and appreciate your candor but I'm not looking to just sleep with a random dude regardless of my attraction to them. A closet FA is a Fat Admirer who wants to do a fat chick but would never consider dating one.
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:16:40 PM
Him: Nah...however, I happen to know that full figured women give the best head and LOVE to do it...you'd have to agree with me on that one right?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:19:44 PM
Me: Why do you think that is? Other than a BJ are you interested in a full figured girl for anything else?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:21:01 PM
Him: I don't think it, I know it lol And yes I would be interested in more. But i'm not gonna lie, I think you'd give amazing head, and I can guarantee you'd love doing it to me
Me: A guarantee, huh? Well, here's the thing, I have a rule. I don't give until I receive first. I am not so desperate for a man to be interested in me that I would get down on my knees, or in any other position, to suck you or any guy off. I don't need to. I also have too much respect for myself. I think that you may be hung up on a stereotype that isn't true for most of us big girls.
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:29:04 PM
Him: Nah, i'm hung up on a stereotype that's true for all girls, which is that i'm hot lol
(He had been sending his picture with every message. This is when he stopped)
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:33:31 PM
Me: But you see, saying things like that makes you less attractive. In order to be truly "hot" isn't just about good looks, it's also about attitude and the respect you demonstrate for others. Does this approach really work for you?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:37:52 PM
Him: do i need to take a screen shot of my inbox for you? lol and yes, confidence speaks leaps and bounds for me....you don't really want some pussy pushover fag with no balls do you??
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:45:45 PM
Me: Well, I guess desperation will affect the judgement of woman at times... Homophobic too? You ARE a peach!
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:48:41 PM
Him: So you're saying that you're desperate because you use (this site)?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:53:25 PM
Me: I wasn't the one who initiated messaging. Your inbox may have a lot of messages and responses but how many of them continue once they realise the type of guy you are and what you're actually looking for?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:54:51 PM
Him: not many, because they don't have to continue when we're meeting in person...see, some people like to allow themselves the right to have fun and enjoyment in their life. It's a shame you don't feel the same!
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 9:02:33 PM
Me: Oh, I do but I think that fun and excitement doesn't include giving BJ's to a random stranger who wants to use women on a dating site as free form of prostitution.
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 9:04:16 PM
Him: do us both a favor and stop messaging me, thanks
So, THAT is what I'm talking about. It really makes me wonder if there is any point to online dating especially with so many men out there who are hung up on the stereotype that Fat = Easy. It is rare to find a guy who doesn't bring sex into the conversation within the first five questions. I understand that as humans we are sexual beings. I get that. But what I don't get is how any man thinks that he is going to start a relationship of any kind with a woman by talking to them that way. If sex is really important to you, why not put in the work to get a woman who would probably be more than willing to provide it on a regular basis? The way that conversation started was cute and caught my attention but when he started showing his true colours any kind of attraction I had to him vanished quickly. I say in my dating profile that I am attracted to confidence but not arrogance and warn that there is a fine line between the two. Please keep that in mind that it's great to want to impress a woman but I am always more impressed when a guy is polite, courteous, and respectful.
Happy dating!
xoxo Lors :o)
Tuesday, 26 March 2013
Limitations
I've noticed something when chatting with guys who are attracted to very heavy girls, they don't take into account our physical limitations. It comes up quite often so I wanted to mention it here.
If you are going to date a very large girl, you have to think about the limitations that her size will have on things that you have planned. Yes, I said date. You know, take a girl out and have a good time getting to know one another like you would with ANY girl you are interested in. Most larger girls don't want to just be used to satisfy your sexual fantasies, they want to be treated with respect and eventually loved, just like you do. I'm giving you the look right now, you just can't see it, but trust me, it severe.
Now back to limitations. I was talking to a friend the other day. He found me on the site I've mentioned before and has been trying to convince me to come visit him in Miami. I've been trying to get him to come to Toronto too. It's basically a game at this point but I finally asked what we would do if I went to Miami. He named off the following activities: Clubbing, hang out on the beach, pools, jet skiing, and horseback riding. I immediately answered with a LMAO and the following reasons why most of those wouldn't work out:
clubs: too fat to be let in (Sad but true. A girl of my size it not the type of clientele the club owners are looking for.)
beach: too fat and will be laughed off of it (Many people can be cruel and nasty making it an uncomfortable environment. This may not actually happen but I'm really not much of a beach person anyway.)
jet ski: again too fat and it prob won't move (Okay, a bit of a stretch but depending on the weight limit this could be true...lol)
horseback riding: uh oh too fat and would probably kill the horse. (when I called him on this one he said I was right about being too big because the weight limit is apparently 240-250 pounds. Who knew?)
So, this brings up a good point. When you decide to take a SSBBW lady out for a good time you really need to plan ahead. I was chatting with another guy who actually researched this. He said that he found a site that told him to think about what he wanted to do and the limitations of his date. Take into consideration restaurant seating (chairs with arms are usually a no no). If you are going to a movie, make sure the theatre has seats with the arm rests that can move up. This also gives you an excuse to be closer and possibly snuggle a bit. See? I'm thinking about you too! Think about the physical movement of your lady. Will she be able to bowl? Play pool? Mini golf? Get on an amusement park ride? Fit in the seat at the concert or sports game? Hike through the woods? Rock climb? Roller blade? Ride a bike? Walk along that damn beach with the sand causing charlie horses every 2 steps? Go swimming? Or even fit in the front seat of your car properly and safely? Remember that you may be physically, fit or close to it, but I bet if you strapped thirty 10 pound bags of potatoes on you, you'd get where I'm coming from...
It's just something to consider. Oh, and don't be afraid to inquire with her about her limitations either. Just don't be surprised with the answers...
As always,
XOXO
Lors :o)
If you are going to date a very large girl, you have to think about the limitations that her size will have on things that you have planned. Yes, I said date. You know, take a girl out and have a good time getting to know one another like you would with ANY girl you are interested in. Most larger girls don't want to just be used to satisfy your sexual fantasies, they want to be treated with respect and eventually loved, just like you do. I'm giving you the look right now, you just can't see it, but trust me, it severe.
Now back to limitations. I was talking to a friend the other day. He found me on the site I've mentioned before and has been trying to convince me to come visit him in Miami. I've been trying to get him to come to Toronto too. It's basically a game at this point but I finally asked what we would do if I went to Miami. He named off the following activities: Clubbing, hang out on the beach, pools, jet skiing, and horseback riding. I immediately answered with a LMAO and the following reasons why most of those wouldn't work out:
clubs: too fat to be let in (Sad but true. A girl of my size it not the type of clientele the club owners are looking for.)
beach: too fat and will be laughed off of it (Many people can be cruel and nasty making it an uncomfortable environment. This may not actually happen but I'm really not much of a beach person anyway.)
jet ski: again too fat and it prob won't move (Okay, a bit of a stretch but depending on the weight limit this could be true...lol)
horseback riding: uh oh too fat and would probably kill the horse. (when I called him on this one he said I was right about being too big because the weight limit is apparently 240-250 pounds. Who knew?)
So, this brings up a good point. When you decide to take a SSBBW lady out for a good time you really need to plan ahead. I was chatting with another guy who actually researched this. He said that he found a site that told him to think about what he wanted to do and the limitations of his date. Take into consideration restaurant seating (chairs with arms are usually a no no). If you are going to a movie, make sure the theatre has seats with the arm rests that can move up. This also gives you an excuse to be closer and possibly snuggle a bit. See? I'm thinking about you too! Think about the physical movement of your lady. Will she be able to bowl? Play pool? Mini golf? Get on an amusement park ride? Fit in the seat at the concert or sports game? Hike through the woods? Rock climb? Roller blade? Ride a bike? Walk along that damn beach with the sand causing charlie horses every 2 steps? Go swimming? Or even fit in the front seat of your car properly and safely? Remember that you may be physically, fit or close to it, but I bet if you strapped thirty 10 pound bags of potatoes on you, you'd get where I'm coming from...
It's just something to consider. Oh, and don't be afraid to inquire with her about her limitations either. Just don't be surprised with the answers...
As always,
XOXO
Lors :o)
Sunday, 10 February 2013
I Promised...
...to make my posts shorter, but instead I haven't posted at all. Talk about overkill. Unfortunately I've been very busy with a new position at work. I wanted to drop by and say a quick hello to those of you who actually read this. There aren't many of you but I know that there are at least a couple because it shows that this blog has been viewed over 230 times. Hello to all of the viewers in Canada, Germany, New Zealand, Australia, Sweden, Belgium, and the US. A special hello to M in Grand Rapids. I know that we don't get to communicate much but knowing that you have actually read this means a lot.
I do have a couple of posts that I'm working on. I just have to pull them together and edit. A lot. lol
Is there anything that you would like me to post about? Not that what I have to say might mean much but I'm willing to take requests. lol
Well, goodbye for now. Expect another post soon. Hopefully....
XOXO Lors :o)
I do have a couple of posts that I'm working on. I just have to pull them together and edit. A lot. lol
Is there anything that you would like me to post about? Not that what I have to say might mean much but I'm willing to take requests. lol
Well, goodbye for now. Expect another post soon. Hopefully....
XOXO Lors :o)
Thursday, 17 January 2013
Low Down Dirty Fat Shame
"You're a pretty girl if only you'd lose weight you'd be so much happier."
I can't tell you how many times someone has said that to me in my life. I can always tell when it's coming too. There is this look that comes across their face. It's a look of pity with a reassuring smile. What I want to know is, why do they think I'm not happy? I don't walk around in a sulk. I'm very friendly with people who I meet. l don't walk with my head down watching the floor. I don't try to hide myself and I always have a smile on my face. So, what is it that is making them think that if I lost weight I would be happier? I have come to realise that THEY are the ones who aren't happy with themselves and because of that they are taking pity on me for how they feel. It's almost like they are looking into a mirror of sorts. They use my "weight problem" to reassure themselves that they aren't so bad. Their problem is that they are internally struggling with something. Most of the time it is usually their own issues with weight. It makes them feel better about themselves when they point out their own perceived flaw in you. This even happens with overweight people. They have been told all of their lives to feel bad about themselves that they are constantly comparing themselves to other overweight people to justify their size. I have heard many people say things like, "I know I'm fat but at least I'm not as fat as _____." Or something like, "If I was as fat as _____, I would do something about it." Um, what? You know what it's like to be ridiculed for being overweight so why are you doing the same thing to someone else? What they are all doing are different forms of fat shaming.
It's everywhere you go to. At home with your family. Out with friends. In the workplace. In the media. Even in public from strangers. People constantly feel that they need to remind you that you are fat and make you feel ashamed for being so. I was watched an interview with Sharon Osborne years ago. The interviewer asked her about her weight loss surgery and why she had done it. She said that people in society treat fat people worse then they treat drug addicts. Her point was that a drug addict doesn't need that substance to survive but an overweight person needs food to. She's right. There are 12 step programs to help people who are addicted to drugs and alcohol but when it comes to food addiction your only real resource is a diet. There are thousands of them out there too, the biggest problem is that they usually don't work or if they do in most cases it doesn't last. The odds of keeping the weight off are almost as slim as winning the lottery. But we still literally kill ourselves trying to be the ideal weight so that we can stop feeling so ashamed. What people don't tell you is that by losing the weight it doesn't automatically take that shame away. It's still there lurking in your subconscious.
I've recently discovered that in order to try to rid yourself of that shame, you have to work on letting go of it first. You allow people to make you feel that way because that is how you feel about yourself. We've all heard the old adage that you have to love yourself first before you can let anyone else love you. It's the same with fat shame. You have to stop being ashamed of your body in order to stop others from making you feel that way. Oh, but it isn't easy! I know this first hand. If it was easy I would wear a bathing suit in public and I would tell people off when they made comments to me about my weight. It is just SO hard to get out of that cycle of self abuse. It is what you have been doing all of your life, you don't know any better. I guess the first thing that you have to do is face the fact that it will always be a work in progress. You will have to continue to break down that wall one brick at a time for the rest of your life but each time you break one brick the weight starts to lessen. You feel just a little bit better each time and you know that the struggle will be worth it. Nothing is ever really given to you in this life so this too is just something that you have to work towards.
I have a friend who said that she walks around hoping that people can't see her. She doesn't want to draw attention to herself because she hates her body so much. She told me that she wears different clothing to try to draw people's eyes away from her. She is constantly afraid that people are watching her and judging her. I learned from a couple of friends who are overweight that they feel the same way. One told me that she wears big flashy jewellery so that people will see that instead of her size. Another said that she wears big sweaters and frumpy clothes to take the attention away from her curves. I know how all of them feel, I used to feel the same way and use the same tricks. Here's the problem though, people can still see you, fat and all. You can't hide that no matter how hard you try. You could wear a sack and try to hide in a corner but it won't work because you are not invisible. Now, I am not saying to start walking around naked, nor am I saying that you should wear tight clothing that shows off all cracks and crevices, I'm saying to be comfortable with your body. Dress to feel comfortable with yourself but embrace your curves don't cover them. This world would be so boring if there weren't people of all shapes, sizes, and colours in it. Work on loving yourself, fat and all. You will find that as you start to accept your body as is you will start to gain confidence. People will continue to see you and not just your body, like they always have.
If there are still people who don't like it and make comments, just remember that it's THEIR problem, not yours.
xoxo Lors :o)
I can't tell you how many times someone has said that to me in my life. I can always tell when it's coming too. There is this look that comes across their face. It's a look of pity with a reassuring smile. What I want to know is, why do they think I'm not happy? I don't walk around in a sulk. I'm very friendly with people who I meet. l don't walk with my head down watching the floor. I don't try to hide myself and I always have a smile on my face. So, what is it that is making them think that if I lost weight I would be happier? I have come to realise that THEY are the ones who aren't happy with themselves and because of that they are taking pity on me for how they feel. It's almost like they are looking into a mirror of sorts. They use my "weight problem" to reassure themselves that they aren't so bad. Their problem is that they are internally struggling with something. Most of the time it is usually their own issues with weight. It makes them feel better about themselves when they point out their own perceived flaw in you. This even happens with overweight people. They have been told all of their lives to feel bad about themselves that they are constantly comparing themselves to other overweight people to justify their size. I have heard many people say things like, "I know I'm fat but at least I'm not as fat as _____." Or something like, "If I was as fat as _____, I would do something about it." Um, what? You know what it's like to be ridiculed for being overweight so why are you doing the same thing to someone else? What they are all doing are different forms of fat shaming.
It's everywhere you go to. At home with your family. Out with friends. In the workplace. In the media. Even in public from strangers. People constantly feel that they need to remind you that you are fat and make you feel ashamed for being so. I was watched an interview with Sharon Osborne years ago. The interviewer asked her about her weight loss surgery and why she had done it. She said that people in society treat fat people worse then they treat drug addicts. Her point was that a drug addict doesn't need that substance to survive but an overweight person needs food to. She's right. There are 12 step programs to help people who are addicted to drugs and alcohol but when it comes to food addiction your only real resource is a diet. There are thousands of them out there too, the biggest problem is that they usually don't work or if they do in most cases it doesn't last. The odds of keeping the weight off are almost as slim as winning the lottery. But we still literally kill ourselves trying to be the ideal weight so that we can stop feeling so ashamed. What people don't tell you is that by losing the weight it doesn't automatically take that shame away. It's still there lurking in your subconscious.
I've recently discovered that in order to try to rid yourself of that shame, you have to work on letting go of it first. You allow people to make you feel that way because that is how you feel about yourself. We've all heard the old adage that you have to love yourself first before you can let anyone else love you. It's the same with fat shame. You have to stop being ashamed of your body in order to stop others from making you feel that way. Oh, but it isn't easy! I know this first hand. If it was easy I would wear a bathing suit in public and I would tell people off when they made comments to me about my weight. It is just SO hard to get out of that cycle of self abuse. It is what you have been doing all of your life, you don't know any better. I guess the first thing that you have to do is face the fact that it will always be a work in progress. You will have to continue to break down that wall one brick at a time for the rest of your life but each time you break one brick the weight starts to lessen. You feel just a little bit better each time and you know that the struggle will be worth it. Nothing is ever really given to you in this life so this too is just something that you have to work towards.
I have a friend who said that she walks around hoping that people can't see her. She doesn't want to draw attention to herself because she hates her body so much. She told me that she wears different clothing to try to draw people's eyes away from her. She is constantly afraid that people are watching her and judging her. I learned from a couple of friends who are overweight that they feel the same way. One told me that she wears big flashy jewellery so that people will see that instead of her size. Another said that she wears big sweaters and frumpy clothes to take the attention away from her curves. I know how all of them feel, I used to feel the same way and use the same tricks. Here's the problem though, people can still see you, fat and all. You can't hide that no matter how hard you try. You could wear a sack and try to hide in a corner but it won't work because you are not invisible. Now, I am not saying to start walking around naked, nor am I saying that you should wear tight clothing that shows off all cracks and crevices, I'm saying to be comfortable with your body. Dress to feel comfortable with yourself but embrace your curves don't cover them. This world would be so boring if there weren't people of all shapes, sizes, and colours in it. Work on loving yourself, fat and all. You will find that as you start to accept your body as is you will start to gain confidence. People will continue to see you and not just your body, like they always have.
If there are still people who don't like it and make comments, just remember that it's THEIR problem, not yours.
xoxo Lors :o)
Sunday, 13 January 2013
The Fat Revolution
Over the years I have noticed a trend. There seems to be a lot of guys and girls who have been coming out of the closet, if you will, when it comes to their attraction to BBWs, SSBBWs, and BHMs. This is happening at an interestingly high rate. It's almost as if it is becoming widely acceptable to be attracted to a plus size woman and men. Now, this could be due to the fact that as a continent, North America I mean, we are getting fatter. Maybe it has to do with a type of evolution. As a species, we are adapting to the changes in our environment. But then I thought about it and realized that, no, this isn't the reason. I have come to the conclusion that people are finally coming around because they are getting tired of settling and conforming to the expectations of society. To those people I say, good for you! Also, IT'S ABOUT TIME!!!
When I was in high school and in my twenties it was taboo to be interested in or attracted to someone who had some meat on their bones. In fact, if a guy showed any interest in me it usually was followed with him telling me not to tell anyone. This didn't help my fragile self esteem but since it was something that had happened quite a bit, sadly, I got used to it. I had a boyfriend when I was nineteen (I mentioned him in my first post) who would make comments to me about being fat. He would constantly rag on me to lose weight but I wasn't the one driving us to a fast food place at 3am after clubbing and ordering me a big meal. He was worse when he was with his brother and friends. He would be embarrassed of me when with them. They used to make fun of him because he was quirky (read: awkward) and he would lash out by making comments to me in front of them to try to take the focus of their ridicule off him. He treated me like crap because he was treated like crap from others. Why did I stay with him for almost a year? Because I didn't know any better. Plus, at that time it didn't matter who I was with, my weight was often mentioned to me or commented on. I expected it and sometimes I even encouraged it by mentioning that I was on a diet or would be starting one soon. I made it okay for guys to make me feel bad about myself because I felt bad about myself.
Back then, in the mid 1990's, I wasn't aware that there was a plus size community. Even if I had of been, I wouldn't have been interested in it because that would have been admitting that I was fat. To me at the time, the fact that I was thirty-ish pounds overweight meant that I wasn't fat enough. Funnily enough, the plus size community would have come to the same conclusion. They still would. So, I became a hermit of sorts for nine years. But something happened during those nine years, as I was packing on the pounds, a fat revolution began. After years of yo-yo dieting and self hate, people started realizing that if they wanted to have a happy existence they were going to have to learn something, acceptance. They were becoming tired of walking through life feeling ashamed for "letting themselves go". They were tired of almost killing themselves and watching others actually kill themselves because of their weight. The internet became a valuable resource to get the word out. Chatrooms were created where people of size and there admirers could communicate. People were slowly coming forward and realising that they weren't alone in their experiences and attraction. They started getting together for group outings and events celebrating their lives instead of hiding in their houses or avoiding places that would make them feel uncomfortable.
Since they were enjoying this new found freedom they wanted others to join in on it. They no longer kept their chatrooms a secret. They started inviting their friends to join them there and on outings. It was a word of mouth kind of thing that developed into full blown advertising for events, dances, and bashes, among other local events. People started to travel to meet people who were just like them. The admirers started showing up at the same time, loud and proud about their attraction to ladies and gentlemen of size. It kept getting bigger and more widespread. That is when I finally found a local group. I had seen some in the US online but couldn't find any locally. After a lot of searching online I found one and ended up going to a dance with two girlfriends. There weren't that many people there but I couldn't believe how many men were actually in attendance. The women out numbered the men by at least half but apparently that was normal. Shortly after that event the organizer called it quits and I was on the hunt for another group. I found the group that had basically taken over where the last one left off. We went to another event and it had a bigger turn out this time. There were quite a few men there but they stayed off to the side and didn't seem to approach anyone. It was mainly women again.
A couple of years ago that group dispersed and a friend of theirs took over. She gave the group a new name and started to advertise. She gave business cards to everyone she knew and told them to encourage others to come out. We basically became her foot soldiers. We spread the word to anyone who seemed like they would be interested. She put up a website and then a group page on Facebook. People started coming out in droves to the events. Instead of it being 80/20 women to men it is now just about a 50/50 split. The last event actually sold out and people had to be turned away at the door. At a plus size event, that is almost unheard of. It shows that people are embracing their love of the rotund. Again I say, IT'S ABOUT TIME!
Although it is becoming more popular to be attracted to a larger person it still seems to be somewhat taboo. In my experience there are a lot of men who are still not willing to openly date a big girl or are attached and just looking to satisfy a sexual urge. If you are attracted to someone, and it is legal, why not just go for it? I guess that's because society still frowns upon someone who is overweight. If they didn't the diet industry wouldn't make billions of dollars every year. It is still not "normal" to be attracted to or be in a committed relationship with someone who is sometimes twice your size. It isn't considered natural. You aren't supposed to be attracted to someone like that! Your life partner search is to be for someone fit and "healthy" not fat and "lazy". Since that is what men in particular are supposed to look for that is the type of person they usually date and then eventually marry. That's fine for the men who are attracted to that but what about the ones who aren't? Some of those men are the ones who stay unhappy in a marriage and come to the events to try to fulfill that sexual attraction. It's sad but true.
I have also noticed another couple of trends too. Now or still single men in their thirties who are starting to come around and men in their twenties who are actually proud to admit they are into a plus size girl. Many of the men in their thirties are either divorced or separated. Quite a few have remained single this whole time. When I've asked some who have pursued me if they have ever dated a plus size girl before their answer is usually either never or only a couple in the last few years. It seems to be a theme that they have dated the thinner girls but realised that isn't what they really liked. Many of them discovered long ago that they were attracted to larger women but thought that it wasn't normal to feel that way. It makes sense why I am getting approached more often outside of plus size events, they are finally coming around. The men in their twenties are very refreshing. Some of them are still stepping outside of their relationships with non-plus size women to have one night stands to get their fix. But then there are the ones who are fine with dating a BBW or SSBBW publicly and proudly. They are even looking for older women since they seem to be more accepting of themselves. I have been told on a number of occasions that plus size women their age are too self hating and make the men feel bad for liking them the way they are. They don't want to deal with that. They would rather have a woman that they don't have to build up or coddle because she already knows how awesome she is, the way she is.
I think that over the next couple of years the numbers are going to continue to rise. I won't be surprised if one day I go to an event and the men outnumber the women. I really hope that the progress continues. I want to be able to talk to a suitor without one of my first questions being, "Would you date a BBW publicly or are you just looking for a sexual thing?" My dream is that there won't have to be events for the plus size community because there will be full integration and acceptance in a society where all people, regardless of size, are seen as normal and beautiful. I look forward to a world where there is no right or wrong when it comes to attraction and preference.
I really hope that happens in my lifetime.
xoxo Lors :o)
When I was in high school and in my twenties it was taboo to be interested in or attracted to someone who had some meat on their bones. In fact, if a guy showed any interest in me it usually was followed with him telling me not to tell anyone. This didn't help my fragile self esteem but since it was something that had happened quite a bit, sadly, I got used to it. I had a boyfriend when I was nineteen (I mentioned him in my first post) who would make comments to me about being fat. He would constantly rag on me to lose weight but I wasn't the one driving us to a fast food place at 3am after clubbing and ordering me a big meal. He was worse when he was with his brother and friends. He would be embarrassed of me when with them. They used to make fun of him because he was quirky (read: awkward) and he would lash out by making comments to me in front of them to try to take the focus of their ridicule off him. He treated me like crap because he was treated like crap from others. Why did I stay with him for almost a year? Because I didn't know any better. Plus, at that time it didn't matter who I was with, my weight was often mentioned to me or commented on. I expected it and sometimes I even encouraged it by mentioning that I was on a diet or would be starting one soon. I made it okay for guys to make me feel bad about myself because I felt bad about myself.
Back then, in the mid 1990's, I wasn't aware that there was a plus size community. Even if I had of been, I wouldn't have been interested in it because that would have been admitting that I was fat. To me at the time, the fact that I was thirty-ish pounds overweight meant that I wasn't fat enough. Funnily enough, the plus size community would have come to the same conclusion. They still would. So, I became a hermit of sorts for nine years. But something happened during those nine years, as I was packing on the pounds, a fat revolution began. After years of yo-yo dieting and self hate, people started realizing that if they wanted to have a happy existence they were going to have to learn something, acceptance. They were becoming tired of walking through life feeling ashamed for "letting themselves go". They were tired of almost killing themselves and watching others actually kill themselves because of their weight. The internet became a valuable resource to get the word out. Chatrooms were created where people of size and there admirers could communicate. People were slowly coming forward and realising that they weren't alone in their experiences and attraction. They started getting together for group outings and events celebrating their lives instead of hiding in their houses or avoiding places that would make them feel uncomfortable.
Since they were enjoying this new found freedom they wanted others to join in on it. They no longer kept their chatrooms a secret. They started inviting their friends to join them there and on outings. It was a word of mouth kind of thing that developed into full blown advertising for events, dances, and bashes, among other local events. People started to travel to meet people who were just like them. The admirers started showing up at the same time, loud and proud about their attraction to ladies and gentlemen of size. It kept getting bigger and more widespread. That is when I finally found a local group. I had seen some in the US online but couldn't find any locally. After a lot of searching online I found one and ended up going to a dance with two girlfriends. There weren't that many people there but I couldn't believe how many men were actually in attendance. The women out numbered the men by at least half but apparently that was normal. Shortly after that event the organizer called it quits and I was on the hunt for another group. I found the group that had basically taken over where the last one left off. We went to another event and it had a bigger turn out this time. There were quite a few men there but they stayed off to the side and didn't seem to approach anyone. It was mainly women again.
A couple of years ago that group dispersed and a friend of theirs took over. She gave the group a new name and started to advertise. She gave business cards to everyone she knew and told them to encourage others to come out. We basically became her foot soldiers. We spread the word to anyone who seemed like they would be interested. She put up a website and then a group page on Facebook. People started coming out in droves to the events. Instead of it being 80/20 women to men it is now just about a 50/50 split. The last event actually sold out and people had to be turned away at the door. At a plus size event, that is almost unheard of. It shows that people are embracing their love of the rotund. Again I say, IT'S ABOUT TIME!
Although it is becoming more popular to be attracted to a larger person it still seems to be somewhat taboo. In my experience there are a lot of men who are still not willing to openly date a big girl or are attached and just looking to satisfy a sexual urge. If you are attracted to someone, and it is legal, why not just go for it? I guess that's because society still frowns upon someone who is overweight. If they didn't the diet industry wouldn't make billions of dollars every year. It is still not "normal" to be attracted to or be in a committed relationship with someone who is sometimes twice your size. It isn't considered natural. You aren't supposed to be attracted to someone like that! Your life partner search is to be for someone fit and "healthy" not fat and "lazy". Since that is what men in particular are supposed to look for that is the type of person they usually date and then eventually marry. That's fine for the men who are attracted to that but what about the ones who aren't? Some of those men are the ones who stay unhappy in a marriage and come to the events to try to fulfill that sexual attraction. It's sad but true.
I have also noticed another couple of trends too. Now or still single men in their thirties who are starting to come around and men in their twenties who are actually proud to admit they are into a plus size girl. Many of the men in their thirties are either divorced or separated. Quite a few have remained single this whole time. When I've asked some who have pursued me if they have ever dated a plus size girl before their answer is usually either never or only a couple in the last few years. It seems to be a theme that they have dated the thinner girls but realised that isn't what they really liked. Many of them discovered long ago that they were attracted to larger women but thought that it wasn't normal to feel that way. It makes sense why I am getting approached more often outside of plus size events, they are finally coming around. The men in their twenties are very refreshing. Some of them are still stepping outside of their relationships with non-plus size women to have one night stands to get their fix. But then there are the ones who are fine with dating a BBW or SSBBW publicly and proudly. They are even looking for older women since they seem to be more accepting of themselves. I have been told on a number of occasions that plus size women their age are too self hating and make the men feel bad for liking them the way they are. They don't want to deal with that. They would rather have a woman that they don't have to build up or coddle because she already knows how awesome she is, the way she is.
I think that over the next couple of years the numbers are going to continue to rise. I won't be surprised if one day I go to an event and the men outnumber the women. I really hope that the progress continues. I want to be able to talk to a suitor without one of my first questions being, "Would you date a BBW publicly or are you just looking for a sexual thing?" My dream is that there won't have to be events for the plus size community because there will be full integration and acceptance in a society where all people, regardless of size, are seen as normal and beautiful. I look forward to a world where there is no right or wrong when it comes to attraction and preference.
I really hope that happens in my lifetime.
xoxo Lors :o)
Tuesday, 8 January 2013
This is a shoutout to all of the Creepers! Please read here.
*shudder*
Okay, I'm not saying that any of you are like Norman Bates, but sometimes that is the look that we see when we happen to catch you looking at us from across the room. It sends the message of bodies being buried in the basement or that you want to wear our skin. In other words, you really need to work on that!
I have seen it happen dozens of times at plus size events. There are usually a bunch or guys, alone, standing either at the bar, off the dance floor, or sitting at a table. They have noticed a girl who they find attractive but since she is surrounded by friends, they are too afraid to approach her. So, instead of mustering up the confidence to go over and talk to her, they instead avoid the chance of rejection, by staying in their claimed spot and starring. Now, many of them don't realise that they are doing it. In fact, many guys don't realise that women usually know that they are being watched. You think that you are being discrete, but in reality, if the girl hasn't felt your eyes burrowing a hole into her back/head/ass, one of her friends has made her aware of it. I will tell you from experience that we usually do that general gaze like we are looking through the crowd for someone when in fact we are just confirming that we are being watched. Depending on the guy and degree of the stare, it can be a bit unnerving. It can range anywhere from being flattered to being freaked out. If we actually meet your eyes because we think you are cute and there is no reaction from you or you smile like Norman up there, we are going to start moving toward the freaked out side.
I'm not trying to emotionally scar you or tell you to stop going to places where you are more likely to see what you are looking for, I am merely trying to help you with your quest of finding a nice plus size girl to talk to. I am going to give you some advise that will hopefully get you out of creeper and turn you into a BBW magnet. Hold on! Let me rephrase that. When I say magnet, I'm not talking about the douchebag guys that go to the events looking to sleep with as many big girls as possible. I refer to those dudes as Fatty F*ckers (yeah, it's a bit crass but it's also accurate). Those douches go to the events with the mission of just getting laid and have no intention of looking to actually date someone which could possibly lead to more. Don't be that guy. Don't be a douche. Trust me, if you want to establish something with someone, looking for a one night stand isn't usually the way to go. I'm not saying that there aren't girls out there who are looking for the same thing and I'm also not saying that relationships have never started that way, what I am saying is that it is SO much better to build up to it instead if just sticking your pee-pee into every fleshy hottie you see. Capisce?
Good! Now back to your (possible) creepiness. There are generally several reasons why a guy will stare at a girl instead of going up and introducing himself. Here are a couple:
1. Socially Awkward
2. Low Self Esteem/Insecure
3. Fear of Rejection
4. No Idea What To Say
5. Hoping That She Will Notice and Make the First Move
6. Struggling With Thinking That Being an FA is Wrong
7. Too Many Friends Are Surrounding Her
8. Struggling With There Own Sexuality
9. Homicidal/Hunting For Their Next Victim
10. Mental Illness
I am going to hope that number 9 is none of you and skip that one altogether. I don't want to be hunted for that reason, thank you very much! I will tell you that numbers 1-7 usually lead to one thing, CONFIDENCE. Yup, that's it, you just need to build some confidence. Well, this post is done... Next!
What was that? You say it's easier said than done? Alright, you've got me there. I guess that I will have to continue with the post after all.
Of course it's easier said than done! If it was easy everyone would be with the love of their life, there would be no singles bars, and I wouldn't be writing this at 5am on a Saturday night/Sunday morning. I would instead be in bed beside my loving, gorgeous dream husband, blissfully sleeping until one of our 6 kids comes storming in demanding cereal. Instead I am sitting here with HGTV on mute in the background, in bed alone, on my netbook which is telling me that the battery is about to die. All this because the possible love of my life creeped me out by staring at me instead of coming up and talking to me! Okay, that probably isn't the reason, I'm being over the top now but what do you expect at 5am???
Okay, it's a couple of days later and I have regrouped. So, back to confidence. One of the first things I notice about a guy is his confidence. It's what draws me in. It's the reason why women go for the bad boy. He exudes confidence and testosterone. He doesn't have to be a the best looking guy either. He just has to know himself and what he wants. For me it helps if he has an awesome smile and nice eyes. Oh! and if he is close in height to me. I love a tall guy.... And smells good because I'm such a sucker for nice cologne... And an accent does hurt. Like southern or french or... *slap!* Sorry, I was getting off topic again. Where was I? Oh yes, know yourself and what you want. Now, here's the kicker. You can FAKE confidence! Yup, it's true! Fake it until you make it. What I mean by that is use your assets and go with it. Think about any compliments you have ever gotten in your life. A girl told you that you have pretty eyes. A co-worker may have said something about your lovely thick hair. Your mom has told you all your life that you have a beautiful smile. Your elderly neighbour yelled out that you have a nice butt when she saw you bending to pick up something. If I was you, I would stay away from her... Whatever it was, run with it! Play it up or use it to your advantage. Dress to impress. Groom to swoon. In other words, make a valiant effort to be attractive to the opposite sex in some way. That will help build your confidence and make you want to go up to that plus size beauty. If you feel good about yourself, we will see that and take notice.
Now, do not, I repeat, do NOT become arrogant. There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. You want to be on the right side of that line, always. Arrogance is a major turn off. It says to a woman of any size that you think that you are better than them and that they should be lucky that you are actually talking to them. Guys like that piss me off the most. I have no problem putting them in their place. It doesn't matter if you have model good looks, an oiled six pack, or a butt that I could bounce a quarter off of, if you talk down to me or talk to me like you are God's gift to women, you have lost my interest and you should expect "the look". It's not something that you want to experience. When women give "the look" it means that you have gone too far and we are close to the point of slapping you. I have never slapped anyone but I have wanted to SO badly a couple of times. Just don't be arrogant, okay? I already told you that you don't want to be a douche and an arrogant guy is just another degree of douchiness. (Yeah, I made up that word. Just go with it!)
Alright, so, you have accentuated your feature(s) by wearing a shirt that brings out your eyes, brushed your teeth or used a whitening product, got a great haircut, or found a nice pair of pants that will show off that tuckus that your neighbor has now bought binoculars to admire. You are feeling good and you have spotted a cutie that you want to approach. You are about to walk up to her to show off your asset. But wait, what are you going to say? You have been too busy concentrating on the quaffing of your hair to get it the way the hairdresser told you when she sold you that $50 jar of sculpting goop. You haven't thought about what you are going to say to the lovely woman in front of you. You don't want to walk over, say something random like,"I won my third grade spelling bee." or worse, "You have nice earlobes." That would be met with amusement and then a look of pity. You want to grab her attention in a good way. It's always good to start with humor and something clever. Don't be aggressive or extremely eager, just be cool, confident, and relaxed. When a guy is overly eager it can be a sign that there are a couple of things missing upstairs. So, just be yourself.
You can start with a nice compliment which will go a long way. Ladies love to be complimented. It makes them feel like all the effort that they put into getting ready to go out that night is appreciated. Like that $50 bottle of hairspray that the same hairdresser sold them hasn't gone to waste. You could compliment her smile, her eyes, the colour she's wearing, her dress, her hair, or even her laugh. It's always good to introduce yourself right after she says thank you. If she tells you her name or continues the conversation you know that you are good. If she has a deadpan face or smirks, tell her to have a nice night and leave her alone. She isn't interested so there is no reason to waste your time. It's always good to make sure within the first 5 minutes of the conversation that she is single. If she isn't and you still want to chat, by all means do so. I have been at dances when I wasn't single. If I thought that the guy was nice or cute I've asked him if there was anyone else he was interested in and helped him try to talk to her. You see, a lot of the time girls know one another at these events. They usually also know who is single and who isn't. They will sometimes be willing to actually tell you about that person. Sometimes they will even take you to them and introduce you. I've done all of these things before for guys so don't be surprised if it happens.
Do me a favour though, if the girl says she is attached don't be a jerk about it. By being defensive you are giving her a bad impression. You are probably saying to yourself, "Who cares? She isn't available so what do I care." Ahhh, here's the thing. She may not be single NOW but who's to say that she won't be in the future? You might see her 6 months later when she is again single and ready to mingle. She will remember that you were a nice guy when you approached her the first time. You already have one point in your favour this way. It has happened with me. A guy approached me at an event when I was taken but a year later when I was long single again, we started talking and because I remembered him as being a nice guy we started dating. Also, you want to be nice to a taken girl because girls talk! Yup, we do. If you are an ass when someone rejects you or tells you she's single, if she sees you talking to someone she knows, you better believe that it isn't going to last long. If the other girl you're talking to doesn't find out before the end of the night, she more than likely will by the next day. I've seen it happen tons of times. It's hard to come back from that.
Keep the conversation light and funny. Don't tell a boring story or gross her out with tales of your earwax collections (if you do have a collection like that, get rid of it!). Leave any talk of a sexual nature off the table. No bragging about anything either! Don't ask her how much she weighs or what size she wears. And for the love of all that is holy, do NOT mention your ex-girlfriend and what a bitch she was for leaving you. Past relationships should never be mentioned when first meeting someone. Ever. Be respectful and a gentleman. Offer to buy her a drink if you like and always ask permission to sit at her table. I hate when guys just pull up a chair and start talking to me. It's rude. Oh, and do NOT touch her. It you touch her at all that is giving the wrong message. Keep your hands to yourself, always.
I hope that I have helped reform some of the unknowing creepers out there. I also hope that I've helped you in gain a littleconfidence.You can do this. We're counting on you. I have confidence in you so it's about time that you have confidence in yourself as well.
Good luck out there!
xoxo Lors :o)
Saturday, 5 January 2013
Why hello there, FAs! (Fat Admirers)
When I joined the SSBBW dating site I was thrust into a new world and a new acronym; FA: Fat Admirer. I had heard of their existence but had never actually engaged with one. A friend told me a while ago that she was dating one but she didn't know how to handle it. She wasn't used to them and had never been with a guy who was so into her, well, fatness.
Okay, I'm getting ahead of myself here. I need to explain it to those of you who don't know what an FA is. I found a couple of definitions online so I'll share them:
Web Definition: (Fat admirer) Fat fetishists typically find fondling of an overweight person's adipose tissue arousing. They may be aroused by the presence of a pannus or other hanging flaps of skin such as those on the thighs, arms, and back. ...
Erm, WHAT?!?! I'm sorry but is there a doctor or, I don't know, someone with a medical dictionary, out there who knows what the hell that means? I need a different source!
Ahhhh, here's one:
Urban Dictionary: A Fat Admirer, or a guy with a preference towards big girls BBWs. And yes, they do exist, and no, a FA is not the same as a feeder. Contrary to popular belief, Fat Admiration is not a fetish, it's no different to a preference for redheads or short girls.
Well thank you Urban Dictionary! Usually I don't refer to it for, well, anything of "importance" but for this definition it was needed and was the most accurate.
There are several essays, articles, and blogs out there that explain all of this in detail but I will give you my spin on it. I don't believe it's a fetish either. I think that it was put into that category because no one knew where else to put it. When I think of a fetish, I... actually, let's get a READABLE definition for that! Here we are:
Wikipedia- Sexual fetishism, or erotic fetishism, is the sexual arosal a person receives from a physical object, or from a specific situation. The object or situation of interest is called the fetish; the person who has a fetish for that object/situation is a fetishist. A sexual fetish may be regarded as an enhancing element to a romantic/sexual relationship "achieved in ordinary ways (e.g. having the partner wear a particular garment)" or as a mental disorder/disorder of sexual preference if it causes significant psychosocial distress for the person or has detrimental effects on important areas of their life. Arousal from a particular body part is classified as partialism.
Side note: the fact that Wikipedia is showing a drawing of a lady who, what I can only assume, is smelling another lady's foot is a bit interesting in and of itself...
Um, okay, it's a little wordy and yeah, it IS from Wikipedia which isn't the best source either, but I highlighted the most important part. The way I read it it's saying that being a Fat Admirer doesn't qualify as a fetish because plus sized people aren't objects nor are they situations. Okay, maybe they are a "situation" if they are on a plus size version of Jersey Shore (Jersey S'more maybe?), but otherwise there is no connection. So that means that it is a preference just like the Urban Dictionary explained. There are different categories and likes within the Fat Admirer title though. It isn't straight forward because all bodies and degrees of weight exist. Uh oh, here comes another acronym! Relax, this time I made it up (I think).
TABHLA Tits, Ass, Belly, Hips, Legs, Arms. (You can switch the letters around however you like and try to come up with a cool acronym if you want but I will just leave it as is for now). Sometimes it's all six at once but sometimes it's certain parts only, or a combination of a couple different ones. For example, I'm pear shaped which means I'm bottom heavy. I basically have a stick-out ass. I also have an ample rack though, so, since it leads my way when walking, that is what guys will sometimes notice first. In fact, I was used to having men be attracted to me because of the gurls. It was very new to me when I joined the SSBBW dating site which makes you put your body type and approximate weight (eek!). I got a lot of responses right away with almost every guy wanting photos as proof that I, in fact, am a pear. At first I was a little creeped out by the request. I had the image of them in a darkened room with a sock and a bottle of lubricant *shudder*. But then, when I inquired in a slightly aggressive manner why they wanted the pictures, I was told that many ladies claim to be pears but are actually apple shaped, and in denial. Heh? Okay, whatever. Apparently there are a lot of BBWs out there claiming to be SSBBWs as well, but that's a different story.
Anyhoo, this is why I came up with the TABHLA to kind of narrow down a guy's preference since it is usually within the six.The dudes who contact me are into big asses. They ask for pictures of my ass. I honestly have none. Do you know how hard it is to take a picture of your whole ass that looks somewhat decent? Sure, you can try to do the phone or camera over your shoulder pointed at a mirror picture but it never looks right. You can put the phone/camera at your waist, facing the mirror, as you balance on the side of the tub, holding onto the shower curtain for dear life and wondering how you will explain it to the EMS when they find the device crushed under your massive frame... A friend told me to use a camera with a timer. That's a great idea! Oh wait, I don't have one of those. I also refuse to have someone take a picture of my ass which I will have to explain. So, sorry boys, you're gonna have to trust me, I'm a pear and my ass is huge.
Oh jeez, I've gotten off topic a bit while talking about my ass photo plight. Okay, back to the FAs! I noticed something common that happened every time a gentleman told me that he was an FA, it was immediately followed by an apology. Many times they said that they hoped that I didn't think that was weird and told me they were embarrassed to admit it. Since I didn't have any experience dealing with FAs I immediately questioned their embarrassment and apologies. It was usually answered with a, "Girls usually think that's weird or that I'm a freak." I started asking them what they thought a Fat Admirer was. I was given a different answer and definition every time. They all always centered around being sexually attracted to SSBBWs or very large BBWs. At first I said that I didn't think that was weird and that I would have thought it was weird if they weren't FAs since I was on a dating site for very large BBWs. But then I started to really think about it. By them saying that they were embarrassed or worrying that I would think it's weird, it was their way of saying that they were ashamed of themselves for being attracted to someone like me. It kind of pissed me off but then I realised that it was society that was making them feel that way, just like it was making the BBWs who told them that they were weird feel that way about them.
As I wrote in a previous post, I've gone through most of my life feeling ashamed of myself because of my size. Now I understand why it was so hard to find a non-creepy guy who was interested in me. It didn't have as much to do with me as it did with how society made men feel about their preference. Stupid society with it's unrealistic views of weight and beauty had screwed me again! I decided that it was going to be my new mission to make these guys understand that there was NOTHING wrong with them, or me for that matter. I was usually met with the answer, "But it's not normal." I'm sorry, but who the hell decides what IS normal? Everyone has a different preference when it comes to attraction. It's usually something that is ingrained in us early on in life and stays in our subconscious. It determines what our "type" is when looking for a mate. Women are told to look for the tall, dark, and handsome knight in shinning armor to come rescue her from whatever fate she has gotten herself into. If Hitler had ruled the world we wouldn't have any of those guys to fulfill that dream. Men on the other hand have been told to look for that buxom blonde who is not more than 5'8 (unless she's a super model of course) with tanned skin and the measurements of 36-24-36, the perfect hourglass figure. It just isn't feasible because that would eliminate most of the female population of the world. Men would be moving to Nordic countries in droves and the hair dye industry would make more than the porn industry. Perish the thought!
My long winded point is that there is nothing wrong with being attracted to anyone for any reason. If you find it attractive so do a vast number of other people. And "it"can be anything, just be sure it is LEGAL. You are never alone in what you think or feel. There is ALWAYS someone else out there who is thinking the same way. Just because someone perceives it as weird doesn't mean that they are the be all and end all authority on the subject. They usually feel that way because either that is what they have been told to think by a number of sources or they are having trouble dealing with something themselves, whether it be their own weight, the way they see themselves in the mirror, or something more that they have yet to figure out. I have realised over the years that when someone publicly humiliates you or tries to bring you down, it's because they have some kind of insecurity that they are projecting onto you. They have an internal struggle that they would never admit because it would show what others may see as a weakness. Don't strengthen them by letting them make you feel that way. Never give someone that much power over you. They aren't worthy.
So, to all of the FAs out there who are ready to make all of us BBWs, SSBBWs, BSSBBWs. FSBBW, or however else you refer to us, feel good for being who we are, I encourage you to come out. Escape that closet, woodwork, seat in the bar at a plus size event, or even that darkened room (leave the sock and lube there, do NOT bring it with you! Oh, and wash your hands. No, take a FULL shower). Make it known that you are who you are and be proud of it. Own it! Just don't be a creeper! Ahhhh, the creepers. You are next on my "hit list" of posts fellas. Stay tuned because there is a lot to tell and this post is just too damn long enough!
As always,
xoxo Lors :o)
Okay, I'm getting ahead of myself here. I need to explain it to those of you who don't know what an FA is. I found a couple of definitions online so I'll share them:
Web Definition: (Fat admirer) Fat fetishists typically find fondling of an overweight person's adipose tissue arousing. They may be aroused by the presence of a pannus or other hanging flaps of skin such as those on the thighs, arms, and back. ...
Erm, WHAT?!?! I'm sorry but is there a doctor or, I don't know, someone with a medical dictionary, out there who knows what the hell that means? I need a different source!
Ahhhh, here's one:
Urban Dictionary: A Fat Admirer, or a guy with a preference towards big girls BBWs. And yes, they do exist, and no, a FA is not the same as a feeder. Contrary to popular belief, Fat Admiration is not a fetish, it's no different to a preference for redheads or short girls.
Well thank you Urban Dictionary! Usually I don't refer to it for, well, anything of "importance" but for this definition it was needed and was the most accurate.
There are several essays, articles, and blogs out there that explain all of this in detail but I will give you my spin on it. I don't believe it's a fetish either. I think that it was put into that category because no one knew where else to put it. When I think of a fetish, I... actually, let's get a READABLE definition for that! Here we are:
Wikipedia- Sexual fetishism, or erotic fetishism, is the sexual arosal a person receives from a physical object, or from a specific situation. The object or situation of interest is called the fetish; the person who has a fetish for that object/situation is a fetishist. A sexual fetish may be regarded as an enhancing element to a romantic/sexual relationship "achieved in ordinary ways (e.g. having the partner wear a particular garment)" or as a mental disorder/disorder of sexual preference if it causes significant psychosocial distress for the person or has detrimental effects on important areas of their life. Arousal from a particular body part is classified as partialism.
Side note: the fact that Wikipedia is showing a drawing of a lady who, what I can only assume, is smelling another lady's foot is a bit interesting in and of itself...
Um, okay, it's a little wordy and yeah, it IS from Wikipedia which isn't the best source either, but I highlighted the most important part. The way I read it it's saying that being a Fat Admirer doesn't qualify as a fetish because plus sized people aren't objects nor are they situations. Okay, maybe they are a "situation" if they are on a plus size version of Jersey Shore (Jersey S'more maybe?), but otherwise there is no connection. So that means that it is a preference just like the Urban Dictionary explained. There are different categories and likes within the Fat Admirer title though. It isn't straight forward because all bodies and degrees of weight exist. Uh oh, here comes another acronym! Relax, this time I made it up (I think).
TABHLA Tits, Ass, Belly, Hips, Legs, Arms. (You can switch the letters around however you like and try to come up with a cool acronym if you want but I will just leave it as is for now). Sometimes it's all six at once but sometimes it's certain parts only, or a combination of a couple different ones. For example, I'm pear shaped which means I'm bottom heavy. I basically have a stick-out ass. I also have an ample rack though, so, since it leads my way when walking, that is what guys will sometimes notice first. In fact, I was used to having men be attracted to me because of the gurls. It was very new to me when I joined the SSBBW dating site which makes you put your body type and approximate weight (eek!). I got a lot of responses right away with almost every guy wanting photos as proof that I, in fact, am a pear. At first I was a little creeped out by the request. I had the image of them in a darkened room with a sock and a bottle of lubricant *shudder*. But then, when I inquired in a slightly aggressive manner why they wanted the pictures, I was told that many ladies claim to be pears but are actually apple shaped, and in denial. Heh? Okay, whatever. Apparently there are a lot of BBWs out there claiming to be SSBBWs as well, but that's a different story.
Anyhoo, this is why I came up with the TABHLA to kind of narrow down a guy's preference since it is usually within the six.The dudes who contact me are into big asses. They ask for pictures of my ass. I honestly have none. Do you know how hard it is to take a picture of your whole ass that looks somewhat decent? Sure, you can try to do the phone or camera over your shoulder pointed at a mirror picture but it never looks right. You can put the phone/camera at your waist, facing the mirror, as you balance on the side of the tub, holding onto the shower curtain for dear life and wondering how you will explain it to the EMS when they find the device crushed under your massive frame... A friend told me to use a camera with a timer. That's a great idea! Oh wait, I don't have one of those. I also refuse to have someone take a picture of my ass which I will have to explain. So, sorry boys, you're gonna have to trust me, I'm a pear and my ass is huge.
Oh jeez, I've gotten off topic a bit while talking about my ass photo plight. Okay, back to the FAs! I noticed something common that happened every time a gentleman told me that he was an FA, it was immediately followed by an apology. Many times they said that they hoped that I didn't think that was weird and told me they were embarrassed to admit it. Since I didn't have any experience dealing with FAs I immediately questioned their embarrassment and apologies. It was usually answered with a, "Girls usually think that's weird or that I'm a freak." I started asking them what they thought a Fat Admirer was. I was given a different answer and definition every time. They all always centered around being sexually attracted to SSBBWs or very large BBWs. At first I said that I didn't think that was weird and that I would have thought it was weird if they weren't FAs since I was on a dating site for very large BBWs. But then I started to really think about it. By them saying that they were embarrassed or worrying that I would think it's weird, it was their way of saying that they were ashamed of themselves for being attracted to someone like me. It kind of pissed me off but then I realised that it was society that was making them feel that way, just like it was making the BBWs who told them that they were weird feel that way about them.
As I wrote in a previous post, I've gone through most of my life feeling ashamed of myself because of my size. Now I understand why it was so hard to find a non-creepy guy who was interested in me. It didn't have as much to do with me as it did with how society made men feel about their preference. Stupid society with it's unrealistic views of weight and beauty had screwed me again! I decided that it was going to be my new mission to make these guys understand that there was NOTHING wrong with them, or me for that matter. I was usually met with the answer, "But it's not normal." I'm sorry, but who the hell decides what IS normal? Everyone has a different preference when it comes to attraction. It's usually something that is ingrained in us early on in life and stays in our subconscious. It determines what our "type" is when looking for a mate. Women are told to look for the tall, dark, and handsome knight in shinning armor to come rescue her from whatever fate she has gotten herself into. If Hitler had ruled the world we wouldn't have any of those guys to fulfill that dream. Men on the other hand have been told to look for that buxom blonde who is not more than 5'8 (unless she's a super model of course) with tanned skin and the measurements of 36-24-36, the perfect hourglass figure. It just isn't feasible because that would eliminate most of the female population of the world. Men would be moving to Nordic countries in droves and the hair dye industry would make more than the porn industry. Perish the thought!
My long winded point is that there is nothing wrong with being attracted to anyone for any reason. If you find it attractive so do a vast number of other people. And "it"can be anything, just be sure it is LEGAL. You are never alone in what you think or feel. There is ALWAYS someone else out there who is thinking the same way. Just because someone perceives it as weird doesn't mean that they are the be all and end all authority on the subject. They usually feel that way because either that is what they have been told to think by a number of sources or they are having trouble dealing with something themselves, whether it be their own weight, the way they see themselves in the mirror, or something more that they have yet to figure out. I have realised over the years that when someone publicly humiliates you or tries to bring you down, it's because they have some kind of insecurity that they are projecting onto you. They have an internal struggle that they would never admit because it would show what others may see as a weakness. Don't strengthen them by letting them make you feel that way. Never give someone that much power over you. They aren't worthy.
So, to all of the FAs out there who are ready to make all of us BBWs, SSBBWs, BSSBBWs. FSBBW, or however else you refer to us, feel good for being who we are, I encourage you to come out. Escape that closet, woodwork, seat in the bar at a plus size event, or even that darkened room (leave the sock and lube there, do NOT bring it with you! Oh, and wash your hands. No, take a FULL shower). Make it known that you are who you are and be proud of it. Own it! Just don't be a creeper! Ahhhh, the creepers. You are next on my "hit list" of posts fellas. Stay tuned because there is a lot to tell and this post is just too damn long enough!
As always,
xoxo Lors :o)
Friday, 4 January 2013
SSBBW, Am I One Or Not?
There are so many titles in the plus size community. For the women the title that is used the most is BBW which, for those of you who don't know, means Big Beautiful Woman. It surprises me that there are many people who still have no idea what that means. A friend told me that years ago, when the title started to be known, he thought that it meant Big Breasted Women. He was all for that but soon discovered that he was a bit off which was still fine with him but a little disappointing at times. lol I have discovered in the last year that there is another acronym that is greatly used; SSBBW which means Super Sized Big Beautiful Woman. Now that's a mouthful which I guess is the need for the acronym... So, I looked it up and realized that I am an SSBBW! Okay, that's cool. It makes sense. I mean, I knew that I was bigger than a lot of girls that I know. I usually refer to myself as Supah Fat anyway but now I know that there is an actual title for me. Yay! It was a revelation of sorts. This way when I filled out a dating profile, I could refer to myself in a truer manner to avoid confusion or miscommunication. I decided to join a website for SSBBW dating to see if there might be any interest out there.
Well, to say it was interesting was an understatement. I was made aware right away that there is a debate over what constitutes being a SSBBW. The variables change depending on who you talk to or what you read online. You obviously have to start with weight. In some articles I've found the lowest you can weigh is 250 pounds but another said 300 pounds. Okay, fine, I definitely qualify. But wait, there are other articles that say you have to weigh at least 350 pounds. Oh, okay, I'm still qualified. Oh, no, no, no! You also have to factor in your height. Where the hell did that come from? You mean that I now have to do math? Crap! As my friends say, fat girls + maths = too much maths! That's why we don't count calories! Duh! All kidding aside though, I think that I have figured it out. Well, sort of. I'm going to simplify it because there is no cut and dry answer. Here is my formula, if that's what you want to call it.
When you go by a regular weight/height chart, the difference in weight between inches that you allowed is anywhere between 13-20 pounds depending on your height. The taller you are, the more you can weigh. They also factor in frame but that is too damn technical for this fatty so I will pretend that everyone is just big boned-ed. So, I am going to start at 5'0 and work up from there. I know that people are shorter than that but it's my formula, deal with it. We will start at the weight of 250 pounds. For every inch up in the scale I will allow 20 pounds. It's a fair number I believe and lets face it, it's pretty close. That means that the chart would be the following:
5'0 = 250
5'1 = 270
5'2 = 290
5'3 = 310
5'4 = 320
5'5 = 340
5'6 = 360
5'7 = 380
5'8 = 400
5'9 = 420
5'10 = 440
5'11 = 460
6'0 = 480
I am 5'11 and a half. By my own math and chart, I have disqualified myself from SSBBW status so now I have no idea how to refer to myself! I am SOL because of math! I told you that fat girls plus math is always a bad idea. I think that the chart is pretty accurate. Okay, in MY MIND it is pretty accurate. Do with it what you will. I guess I'll just walk around in limbo searching for a title, an identity to cling to. Maybe I will make one up and call it BSSBBW. What is that you ask? Borderline Super Size Big Beautiful Woman. Until they actually accept that in some form I will cling to it with all my might because there will always be that one guy who will argue with me that I am not a SSBBW because of my height. It has already happened a couple of times so I'm sure it will continue to.
To that I say, screw you titles!!!
xoxox Lors :o)
Well, to say it was interesting was an understatement. I was made aware right away that there is a debate over what constitutes being a SSBBW. The variables change depending on who you talk to or what you read online. You obviously have to start with weight. In some articles I've found the lowest you can weigh is 250 pounds but another said 300 pounds. Okay, fine, I definitely qualify. But wait, there are other articles that say you have to weigh at least 350 pounds. Oh, okay, I'm still qualified. Oh, no, no, no! You also have to factor in your height. Where the hell did that come from? You mean that I now have to do math? Crap! As my friends say, fat girls + maths = too much maths! That's why we don't count calories! Duh! All kidding aside though, I think that I have figured it out. Well, sort of. I'm going to simplify it because there is no cut and dry answer. Here is my formula, if that's what you want to call it.
When you go by a regular weight/height chart, the difference in weight between inches that you allowed is anywhere between 13-20 pounds depending on your height. The taller you are, the more you can weigh. They also factor in frame but that is too damn technical for this fatty so I will pretend that everyone is just big boned-ed. So, I am going to start at 5'0 and work up from there. I know that people are shorter than that but it's my formula, deal with it. We will start at the weight of 250 pounds. For every inch up in the scale I will allow 20 pounds. It's a fair number I believe and lets face it, it's pretty close. That means that the chart would be the following:
5'0 = 250
5'1 = 270
5'2 = 290
5'3 = 310
5'4 = 320
5'5 = 340
5'6 = 360
5'7 = 380
5'8 = 400
5'9 = 420
5'10 = 440
5'11 = 460
6'0 = 480
I am 5'11 and a half. By my own math and chart, I have disqualified myself from SSBBW status so now I have no idea how to refer to myself! I am SOL because of math! I told you that fat girls plus math is always a bad idea. I think that the chart is pretty accurate. Okay, in MY MIND it is pretty accurate. Do with it what you will. I guess I'll just walk around in limbo searching for a title, an identity to cling to. Maybe I will make one up and call it BSSBBW. What is that you ask? Borderline Super Size Big Beautiful Woman. Until they actually accept that in some form I will cling to it with all my might because there will always be that one guy who will argue with me that I am not a SSBBW because of my height. It has already happened a couple of times so I'm sure it will continue to.
To that I say, screw you titles!!!
xoxox Lors :o)
Me In A Nutshell
Yup, I'm fat. There's no denying it. I have been all of my adult life. Well, I have been since puberty. I actually started out as a skinny kid who used to run and bike everywhere. When I started to develop, so did my curves. I was always just at the cusp of the weight limit for my height, but it wasn't bad. Due to an operation on my knee and my struggles with self esteem in high school, I started to really gain weight. When I was 19 years old I finally had a boyfriend who, because of his own insecurities, tried to break what little shred of confidence I had gained. He was very successful. Due to him, and others always telling me that I wasn't good enough as is, I went through the next 15 years believing it. I had other relationships but they always made me feel the same way and would make comments about my size. I had a bad break up and shortly after my grandmother died. From then on, for the next nine years, I gained. Sometimes at an alarming rate and other times slowly.
I was so beaten down and so convinced that I would never find anyone interested in me that I gave up. I stopped caring about myself. I no longer dressed nicely, didn't care about my hair, and stopped wearing makeup. This continued until one day I met a man. He saw me when I could no longer see myself. He told me that I was beautiful and made me feel special. Unlike all of the other guys I dated, he built me up. He told me everyday that I was beautiful on the inside as well and he made me see it. I started to care again. I bought clothes that flattered my now enormous curves. I started taking care of my hair and having my eyebrows waxed. I started wearing makeup again. I was gaining confidence slowly and people, especially men, were beginning to notice. After all that I had been told all my life by society, I never would have thought that me, at this weight, would be attractive to anyone. Boy, was I ever wrong. Even now, three years later, it still surprises me when someone shows interest. I am still surprised when a guy tells me that he has had a crush on me or that he thinks I'm hot. lol
So, since I have felt this way about myself all of this time and I have struggled so much to gain some acceptance within, I figured that I would write a blog. I'm sure that there are some people out there who have felt this way or are still feeling this way about themselves who can relate. I have made SO many discoveries in the past three years about the plus size community. I had no idea that one even existed and now that I have found it, I am still discovering so much about it. I plan on covering subjects like shopping for my size, internet dating, BBW vs. SSBBW, titles within the community, shame, people in denial, seating, BBW events, bashes, and anything else that comes to mind... I have a lot to say and hopefully you can relate. Maybe you will be educated in some way. Or, maybe I'll just make you laugh once in a while.
Whatever the reason is that you read this blog, I'm happy to have you here.
xoxo Lors :o)
I was so beaten down and so convinced that I would never find anyone interested in me that I gave up. I stopped caring about myself. I no longer dressed nicely, didn't care about my hair, and stopped wearing makeup. This continued until one day I met a man. He saw me when I could no longer see myself. He told me that I was beautiful and made me feel special. Unlike all of the other guys I dated, he built me up. He told me everyday that I was beautiful on the inside as well and he made me see it. I started to care again. I bought clothes that flattered my now enormous curves. I started taking care of my hair and having my eyebrows waxed. I started wearing makeup again. I was gaining confidence slowly and people, especially men, were beginning to notice. After all that I had been told all my life by society, I never would have thought that me, at this weight, would be attractive to anyone. Boy, was I ever wrong. Even now, three years later, it still surprises me when someone shows interest. I am still surprised when a guy tells me that he has had a crush on me or that he thinks I'm hot. lol
So, since I have felt this way about myself all of this time and I have struggled so much to gain some acceptance within, I figured that I would write a blog. I'm sure that there are some people out there who have felt this way or are still feeling this way about themselves who can relate. I have made SO many discoveries in the past three years about the plus size community. I had no idea that one even existed and now that I have found it, I am still discovering so much about it. I plan on covering subjects like shopping for my size, internet dating, BBW vs. SSBBW, titles within the community, shame, people in denial, seating, BBW events, bashes, and anything else that comes to mind... I have a lot to say and hopefully you can relate. Maybe you will be educated in some way. Or, maybe I'll just make you laugh once in a while.
Whatever the reason is that you read this blog, I'm happy to have you here.
xoxo Lors :o)
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