This is a shoutout to all of the Creepers! Please read here.

 

*shudder*

Okay, I'm not saying that any of you are like Norman Bates, but sometimes that is the look that we see when we happen to catch you looking at us from across the room. It sends the message of bodies being buried in the basement or that you want to wear our skin. In other words, you really need to work on that!

I have seen it happen dozens of times at plus size events. There are usually a bunch or guys, alone, standing either at the bar, off the dance floor, or sitting at a table. They have noticed a girl who they find attractive but since she is surrounded by friends, they are too afraid to approach her. So, instead of mustering up the confidence to go over and talk to her, they instead avoid the chance of rejection, by staying in their claimed spot and starring. Now, many of them don't realise that they are doing it. In fact, many guys don't realise that women usually know that they are being watched. You think that you are being discrete, but in reality, if the girl hasn't felt your eyes burrowing a hole into her back/head/ass, one of her friends has made her aware of it. I will tell you from experience that we usually do that general gaze like we are looking through the crowd for someone when in fact we are just confirming that we are being watched. Depending on the guy and degree of the stare, it can be a bit unnerving. It can range anywhere from being flattered to being freaked out. If we actually meet your eyes because we think you are cute and there is no reaction from you or you smile like Norman up there, we are going to start moving toward the freaked out side.

I'm not trying to emotionally scar you or tell you to stop going to places where you are more likely to see what you are looking for, I am merely trying to help you with your quest of finding a nice plus size girl to talk to. I am going to give you some advise that will hopefully get you out of creeper and turn you into a BBW magnet. Hold on! Let me rephrase that. When I say magnet, I'm not talking about the douchebag guys that go to the events looking to sleep with as many big girls as possible. I refer to those dudes as Fatty F*ckers (yeah, it's a bit crass but it's also accurate). Those douches go to the events with the mission of just getting laid and have no intention of looking to actually date someone which could possibly lead to more. Don't be that guy. Don't be a douche. Trust me, if you want to establish something with someone, looking for a one night stand isn't usually the way to go. I'm not saying that there aren't girls out there who are looking for the same thing and I'm also not saying that relationships have never started that way, what I am saying is that it is SO much better to build up to it instead if just sticking your pee-pee into every fleshy hottie you see. Capisce?

Good! Now back to your (possible) creepiness. There are generally several reasons why a guy will stare at a girl instead of going up and introducing himself. Here are a couple:

1. Socially Awkward

2. Low Self Esteem/Insecure

3. Fear of Rejection

4. No Idea What To Say

5. Hoping That She Will Notice and Make the First Move

6. Struggling With Thinking That Being an FA is Wrong

7. Too Many Friends Are Surrounding Her

8. Struggling With There Own Sexuality

9. Homicidal/Hunting For Their Next Victim

10. Mental Illness

I am going to hope that number 9 is none of you and skip that one altogether. I don't want to be hunted for that reason, thank you very much! I will tell you that numbers 1-7 usually lead to one thing, CONFIDENCE. Yup, that's it, you just need to build some confidence. Well, this post is done... Next! 

What was that? You say it's easier said than done? Alright, you've got me there. I guess that I will have to continue with the post after all.

Of course it's easier said than done! If it was easy everyone would be with the love of their life, there would be no singles bars, and I wouldn't be writing this at 5am on a Saturday night/Sunday morning. I would instead be in bed beside my loving, gorgeous dream husband, blissfully sleeping until one of our 6 kids comes storming in demanding cereal. Instead I am sitting here with HGTV on mute in the background, in bed alone, on my netbook which is telling me that the battery is about to die. All this because the possible love of my life creeped me out by staring at me instead of coming up and talking to me! Okay, that probably isn't the reason, I'm being over the top now but what do you expect at 5am???

Okay, it's a couple of days later and I have regrouped. So, back to confidence. One of the first things I notice about a guy is his confidence. It's what draws me in. It's the reason why women go for the bad boy. He exudes confidence and testosterone. He doesn't have to be a the best looking guy either. He just has to know himself and what he wants. For me it helps if he has an awesome smile and nice eyes. Oh! and if he is close in height to me. I love a tall guy.... And smells good because I'm such a sucker for nice cologne... And an accent does hurt. Like southern or french or... *slap!* Sorry, I was getting off topic again. Where was I? Oh yes, know yourself and what you want. Now, here's the kicker. You can FAKE confidence! Yup, it's true! Fake it until you make it. What I mean by that is use your assets and go with it. Think about any compliments you have ever gotten in your life. A girl told you that you have pretty eyes. A co-worker may have said something about your lovely thick hair. Your mom has told you all your life that you have a beautiful smile. Your elderly neighbour yelled out that you have a nice butt when she saw you bending to pick up something. If I was you, I would stay away from her... Whatever it was, run with it! Play it up or use it to your advantage. Dress to impress. Groom to swoon. In other words, make a valiant effort to be attractive to the opposite sex in some way. That will help build your confidence and make you want to go up to that plus size beauty. If you feel good about yourself, we will see that and take notice. 

Now, do not, I repeat, do NOT become arrogant. There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. You want to be on the right side of that line, always. Arrogance is a major turn off. It says to a woman of any size that you think that you are better than them and that they should be lucky that you are actually talking to them. Guys like that piss me off the most. I have no problem putting them in their place. It doesn't matter if you have model good looks, an oiled six pack, or a butt that I could bounce a quarter off of, if you talk down to me or talk to me like you are God's gift to women, you have lost my interest and you should expect "the look". It's not something that you want to experience. When women give "the look" it means that you have gone too far and we are close to the point of slapping you. I have never slapped anyone but I have wanted to SO badly a couple of times. Just don't be arrogant, okay? I already told you that you don't want to be a douche and an arrogant guy is just another degree of douchiness. (Yeah, I made up that word. Just go with it!)

Alright, so, you have accentuated your feature(s) by wearing a shirt that brings out your eyes, brushed your teeth or used a whitening product, got a great haircut, or found a nice pair of pants that will show off that tuckus that your neighbor has now bought binoculars to admire. You are feeling good and you have spotted a cutie that you want to approach. You are about to walk up to her to show off your asset. But wait, what are you going to say? You have been too busy concentrating on the quaffing of your hair to get it the way the hairdresser told you when she sold you that $50 jar of sculpting goop. You haven't thought about what you are going to say to the lovely woman in front of you. You don't want to walk over, say something random like,"I won my third grade spelling bee." or worse, "You have nice earlobes." That would be met with amusement and then a look of pity. You want to grab her attention in a good way. It's always good to start with humor and something clever. Don't be aggressive or extremely eager, just be cool, confident, and relaxed. When a guy is overly eager it can be a sign that there are a couple of things missing upstairs. So, just be yourself. 

You can start with a nice compliment which will go a long way. Ladies love to be complimented. It makes them feel like all the effort that they put into getting ready to go out that night is appreciated. Like that $50 bottle of hairspray that the same hairdresser sold them hasn't gone to waste. You could compliment her smile, her eyes, the colour she's wearing, her dress, her hair, or even her laugh. It's always good to introduce yourself right after she says thank you. If she tells you her name or continues the conversation you know that you are good. If she has a deadpan face or smirks, tell her to have a nice night and leave her alone. She isn't interested so there is no reason to waste your time. It's always good to make sure within the first 5 minutes of the conversation that she is single. If she isn't and you still want to chat, by all means do so. I have been at dances when I wasn't single. If I thought that the guy was nice or cute I've asked him if there was anyone else he was interested in and helped him try to talk to her. You see, a lot of the time girls know one another at these events. They usually also know who is single and who isn't. They will sometimes be willing to actually tell you about that person. Sometimes they will even take you to them and introduce you. I've done all of these things before for guys so don't be surprised if it happens. 

Do me a favour though, if the girl says she is attached don't be a jerk about it. By being defensive you are giving her a bad impression. You are probably saying to yourself, "Who cares? She isn't available so what do I care." Ahhh, here's the thing. She may not be single NOW but who's to say that she won't be in the future? You might see her 6 months later when she is again single and ready to mingle. She will remember that you were a nice guy when you approached her the first time. You already have one point in your favour this way. It has happened with me. A guy approached me at an event when I was taken but a year later when I was long single again, we started talking and because I remembered him as being a nice guy we started dating. Also, you want to be nice to a taken girl because girls talk! Yup, we do. If you are an ass when someone rejects you or tells you she's single, if she sees you talking to someone she knows, you better believe that it isn't going to last long. If the other girl you're talking to doesn't find out before the end of the night, she more than likely will by the next day. I've seen it happen tons of times. It's hard to come back from that. 

Keep the conversation light and funny. Don't tell a boring story or gross her out with tales of your earwax collections (if you do have a collection like that, get rid of it!). Leave any talk of a sexual nature off the table. No bragging about anything either! Don't ask her how much she weighs or what size she wears. And for the love of all that is holy, do NOT mention your ex-girlfriend and what a bitch she was for leaving you. Past relationships should never be mentioned when first meeting someone. Ever. Be respectful and a gentleman. Offer to buy her a drink if you like and always ask permission to sit at her table. I hate when guys just pull up a chair and start talking to me. It's rude. Oh, and do NOT touch her. It you touch her at all that is giving the wrong message. Keep your hands to yourself, always. 

I hope that I have helped reform some of the unknowing creepers out there. I also hope that I've helped you in gain a littleconfidence.You can do this. We're counting on you. I have confidence in you so it's about time that you have confidence in yourself as well. 

Good luck out there!

xoxo Lors :o)