"You're a pretty girl if only you'd lose weight you'd be so much happier."
I can't tell you how many times someone has said that to me in my life. I can always tell when it's coming too. There is this look that comes across their face. It's a look of pity with a reassuring smile. What I want to know is, why do they think I'm not happy? I don't walk around in a sulk. I'm very friendly with people who I meet. l don't walk with my head down watching the floor. I don't try to hide myself and I always have a smile on my face. So, what is it that is making them think that if I lost weight I would be happier? I have come to realise that THEY are the ones who aren't happy with themselves and because of that they are taking pity on me for how they feel. It's almost like they are looking into a mirror of sorts. They use my "weight problem" to reassure themselves that they aren't so bad. Their problem is that they are internally struggling with something. Most of the time it is usually their own issues with weight. It makes them feel better about themselves when they point out their own perceived flaw in you. This even happens with overweight people. They have been told all of their lives to feel bad about themselves that they are constantly comparing themselves to other overweight people to justify their size. I have heard many people say things like, "I know I'm fat but at least I'm not as fat as _____." Or something like, "If I was as fat as _____, I would do something about it." Um, what? You know what it's like to be ridiculed for being overweight so why are you doing the same thing to someone else? What they are all doing are different forms of fat shaming.
It's everywhere you go to. At home with your family. Out with friends. In the workplace. In the media. Even in public from strangers. People constantly feel that they need to remind you that you are fat and make you feel ashamed for being so. I was watched an interview with Sharon Osborne years ago. The interviewer asked her about her weight loss surgery and why she had done it. She said that people in society treat fat people worse then they treat drug addicts. Her point was that a drug addict doesn't need that substance to survive but an overweight person needs food to. She's right. There are 12 step programs to help people who are addicted to drugs and alcohol but when it comes to food addiction your only real resource is a diet. There are thousands of them out there too, the biggest problem is that they usually don't work or if they do in most cases it doesn't last. The odds of keeping the weight off are almost as slim as winning the lottery. But we still literally kill ourselves trying to be the ideal weight so that we can stop feeling so ashamed. What people don't tell you is that by losing the weight it doesn't automatically take that shame away. It's still there lurking in your subconscious.
I've recently discovered that in order to try to rid yourself of that shame, you have to work on letting go of it first. You allow people to make you feel that way because that is how you feel about yourself. We've all heard the old adage that you have to love yourself first before you can let anyone else love you. It's the same with fat shame. You have to stop being ashamed of your body in order to stop others from making you feel that way. Oh, but it isn't easy! I know this first hand. If it was easy I would wear a bathing suit in public and I would tell people off when they made comments to me about my weight. It is just SO hard to get out of that cycle of self abuse. It is what you have been doing all of your life, you don't know any better. I guess the first thing that you have to do is face the fact that it will always be a work in progress. You will have to continue to break down that wall one brick at a time for the rest of your life but each time you break one brick the weight starts to lessen. You feel just a little bit better each time and you know that the struggle will be worth it. Nothing is ever really given to you in this life so this too is just something that you have to work towards.
I have a friend who said that she walks around hoping that people can't see her. She doesn't want to draw attention to herself because she hates her body so much. She told me that she wears different clothing to try to draw people's eyes away from her. She is constantly afraid that people are watching her and judging her. I learned from a couple of friends who are overweight that they feel the same way. One told me that she wears big flashy jewellery so that people will see that instead of her size. Another said that she wears big sweaters and frumpy clothes to take the attention away from her curves. I know how all of them feel, I used to feel the same way and use the same tricks. Here's the problem though, people can still see you, fat and all. You can't hide that no matter how hard you try. You could wear a sack and try to hide in a corner but it won't work because you are not invisible. Now, I am not saying to start walking around naked, nor am I saying that you should wear tight clothing that shows off all cracks and crevices, I'm saying to be comfortable with your body. Dress to feel comfortable with yourself but embrace your curves don't cover them. This world would be so boring if there weren't people of all shapes, sizes, and colours in it. Work on loving yourself, fat and all. You will find that as you start to accept your body as is you will start to gain confidence. People will continue to see you and not just your body, like they always have.
If there are still people who don't like it and make comments, just remember that it's THEIR problem, not yours.
xoxo Lors :o)
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