Me In A Nutshell

Yup, I'm fat. There's no denying it. I have been all of my adult life. Well, I have been since puberty. I actually started out as a skinny kid who used to run and bike everywhere. When I started to develop, so did my curves. I was always just at the cusp of the weight limit for my height, but it wasn't bad. Due to an operation on my knee and my struggles with self esteem in high school, I started to really gain weight. When I was 19 years old I finally had a boyfriend who, because of his own insecurities, tried to break what little shred of confidence I had gained. He was very successful. Due to him, and others always telling me that I wasn't good enough as is, I went through the next 15 years believing it. I had other relationships but they always made me feel the same way and would make comments about my size. I had a bad break up and shortly after my grandmother died. From then on, for the next nine years, I gained. Sometimes at an alarming rate and other times slowly.

I was so beaten down and so convinced that I would never find anyone interested in me that I gave up. I stopped caring about myself. I no longer dressed nicely, didn't care about my hair, and stopped wearing makeup. This continued until one day I met a man. He saw me when I could no longer see myself. He told me that I was beautiful and made me feel special. Unlike all of the other guys I dated, he built me up. He told me everyday that I was beautiful on the inside as well and he made me see it. I started to care again. I bought clothes that flattered my now enormous curves. I started taking care of my hair and having my eyebrows waxed. I started wearing makeup again. I was gaining confidence slowly and people, especially men, were beginning to notice. After all that I had been told all my life by society, I never would have thought that me, at this weight, would be attractive to anyone. Boy, was I ever wrong. Even now, three years later, it still surprises me when someone shows interest. I am still surprised when a guy tells me that he has had a crush on me or that he thinks I'm hot. lol

So, since I have felt this way about myself all of this time and I have struggled so much to gain some acceptance within, I figured that I would write a blog. I'm sure that there are some people out there who have felt this way or are still feeling this way about themselves who can relate. I have made SO many discoveries in the past three years about the plus size community. I had no idea that one even existed and now that I have found it, I am still discovering so much about it. I plan on covering subjects like shopping for my size, internet dating, BBW vs. SSBBW, titles within the community, shame, people in denial, seating, BBW events, bashes, and anything else that comes to mind... I have a lot to say and hopefully you can relate. Maybe you will be educated in some way. Or, maybe I'll just make you laugh once in a while.

Whatever the reason is that you read this blog, I'm happy to have you here.

xoxo Lors :o)