Over the years I have noticed a trend. There seems to be a lot of guys and girls who have been coming out of the closet, if you will, when it comes to their attraction to BBWs, SSBBWs, and BHMs. This is happening at an interestingly high rate. It's almost as if it is becoming widely acceptable to be attracted to a plus size woman and men. Now, this could be due to the fact that as a continent, North America I mean, we are getting fatter. Maybe it has to do with a type of evolution. As a species, we are adapting to the changes in our environment. But then I thought about it and realized that, no, this isn't the reason. I have come to the conclusion that people are finally coming around because they are getting tired of settling and conforming to the expectations of society. To those people I say, good for you! Also, IT'S ABOUT TIME!!!
When I was in high school and in my twenties it was taboo to be interested in or attracted to someone who had some meat on their bones. In fact, if a guy showed any interest in me it usually was followed with him telling me not to tell anyone. This didn't help my fragile self esteem but since it was something that had happened quite a bit, sadly, I got used to it. I had a boyfriend when I was nineteen (I mentioned him in my first post) who would make comments to me about being fat. He would constantly rag on me to lose weight but I wasn't the one driving us to a fast food place at 3am after clubbing and ordering me a big meal. He was worse when he was with his brother and friends. He would be embarrassed of me when with them. They used to make fun of him because he was quirky (read: awkward) and he would lash out by making comments to me in front of them to try to take the focus of their ridicule off him. He treated me like crap because he was treated like crap from others. Why did I stay with him for almost a year? Because I didn't know any better. Plus, at that time it didn't matter who I was with, my weight was often mentioned to me or commented on. I expected it and sometimes I even encouraged it by mentioning that I was on a diet or would be starting one soon. I made it okay for guys to make me feel bad about myself because I felt bad about myself.
Back then, in the mid 1990's, I wasn't aware that there was a plus size community. Even if I had of been, I wouldn't have been interested in it because that would have been admitting that I was fat. To me at the time, the fact that I was thirty-ish pounds overweight meant that I wasn't fat enough. Funnily enough, the plus size community would have come to the same conclusion. They still would. So, I became a hermit of sorts for nine years. But something happened during those nine years, as I was packing on the pounds, a fat revolution began. After years of yo-yo dieting and self hate, people started realizing that if they wanted to have a happy existence they were going to have to learn something, acceptance. They were becoming tired of walking through life feeling ashamed for "letting themselves go". They were tired of almost killing themselves and watching others actually kill themselves because of their weight. The internet became a valuable resource to get the word out. Chatrooms were created where people of size and there admirers could communicate. People were slowly coming forward and realising that they weren't alone in their experiences and attraction. They started getting together for group outings and events celebrating their lives instead of hiding in their houses or avoiding places that would make them feel uncomfortable.
Since they were enjoying this new found freedom they wanted others to join in on it. They no longer kept their chatrooms a secret. They started inviting their friends to join them there and on outings. It was a word of mouth kind of thing that developed into full blown advertising for events, dances, and bashes, among other local events. People started to travel to meet people who were just like them. The admirers started showing up at the same time, loud and proud about their attraction to ladies and gentlemen of size. It kept getting bigger and more widespread. That is when I finally found a local group. I had seen some in the US online but couldn't find any locally. After a lot of searching online I found one and ended up going to a dance with two girlfriends. There weren't that many people there but I couldn't believe how many men were actually in attendance. The women out numbered the men by at least half but apparently that was normal. Shortly after that event the organizer called it quits and I was on the hunt for another group. I found the group that had basically taken over where the last one left off. We went to another event and it had a bigger turn out this time. There were quite a few men there but they stayed off to the side and didn't seem to approach anyone. It was mainly women again.
A couple of years ago that group dispersed and a friend of theirs took over. She gave the group a new name and started to advertise. She gave business cards to everyone she knew and told them to encourage others to come out. We basically became her foot soldiers. We spread the word to anyone who seemed like they would be interested. She put up a website and then a group page on Facebook. People started coming out in droves to the events. Instead of it being 80/20 women to men it is now just about a 50/50 split. The last event actually sold out and people had to be turned away at the door. At a plus size event, that is almost unheard of. It shows that people are embracing their love of the rotund. Again I say, IT'S ABOUT TIME!
Although it is becoming more popular to be attracted to a larger person it still seems to be somewhat taboo. In my experience there are a lot of men who are still not willing to openly date a big girl or are attached and just looking to satisfy a sexual urge. If you are attracted to someone, and it is legal, why not just go for it? I guess that's because society still frowns upon someone who is overweight. If they didn't the diet industry wouldn't make billions of dollars every year. It is still not "normal" to be attracted to or be in a committed relationship with someone who is sometimes twice your size. It isn't considered natural. You aren't supposed to be attracted to someone like that! Your life partner search is to be for someone fit and "healthy" not fat and "lazy". Since that is what men in particular are supposed to look for that is the type of person they usually date and then eventually marry. That's fine for the men who are attracted to that but what about the ones who aren't? Some of those men are the ones who stay unhappy in a marriage and come to the events to try to fulfill that sexual attraction. It's sad but true.
I have also noticed another couple of trends too. Now or still single men in their thirties who are starting to come around and men in their twenties who are actually proud to admit they are into a plus size girl. Many of the men in their thirties are either divorced or separated. Quite a few have remained single this whole time. When I've asked some who have pursued me if they have ever dated a plus size girl before their answer is usually either never or only a couple in the last few years. It seems to be a theme that they have dated the thinner girls but realised that isn't what they really liked. Many of them discovered long ago that they were attracted to larger women but thought that it wasn't normal to feel that way. It makes sense why I am getting approached more often outside of plus size events, they are finally coming around. The men in their twenties are very refreshing. Some of them are still stepping outside of their relationships with non-plus size women to have one night stands to get their fix. But then there are the ones who are fine with dating a BBW or SSBBW publicly and proudly. They are even looking for older women since they seem to be more accepting of themselves. I have been told on a number of occasions that plus size women their age are too self hating and make the men feel bad for liking them the way they are. They don't want to deal with that. They would rather have a woman that they don't have to build up or coddle because she already knows how awesome she is, the way she is.
I think that over the next couple of years the numbers are going to continue to rise. I won't be surprised if one day I go to an event and the men outnumber the women. I really hope that the progress continues. I want to be able to talk to a suitor without one of my first questions being, "Would you date a BBW publicly or are you just looking for a sexual thing?" My dream is that there won't have to be events for the plus size community because there will be full integration and acceptance in a society where all people, regardless of size, are seen as normal and beautiful. I look forward to a world where there is no right or wrong when it comes to attraction and preference.
I really hope that happens in my lifetime.
xoxo Lors :o)
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