Why hello there, FAs! (Fat Admirers)

When I joined the SSBBW dating site I was thrust into a new world and a new acronym; FA: Fat Admirer. I had heard of their existence but had never actually engaged with one. A friend told me a while ago that she was dating one but she didn't know how to handle it. She wasn't used to them and had never been with a guy who was so into her, well, fatness.

Okay, I'm getting ahead of myself here. I need to explain it to those of you who don't know what an FA is. I found a couple of definitions online so I'll share them:

Web Definition: (Fat admirer) Fat fetishists typically find fondling of an overweight person's adipose tissue arousing. They may be aroused by the presence of a pannus or other hanging flaps of skin such as those on the thighs, arms, and back. ... 

Erm, WHAT?!?! I'm sorry but is there a doctor or, I don't know, someone with a medical dictionary, out there who knows what the hell that means? I need a different source!

Ahhhh, here's one:


Urban Dictionary: A Fat Admirer, or a guy with a preference towards big girls BBWs. And yes, they do exist, and no, a FA is not the same as a feeder. Contrary to popular belief, Fat Admiration is not a fetish, it's no different to a preference for redheads or short girls.

Well thank you Urban Dictionary! Usually I don't refer to it for, well, anything of "importance" but for this definition it was needed and was the most accurate.

There are several essays, articles, and blogs out there that explain all of this in detail but I will give you my spin on it. I don't believe it's a fetish either. I think that it was put into that category because no one knew where else to put it. When I think of a fetish, I... actually, let's get a READABLE definition for that! Here we are:

Wikipedia- Sexual fetishism, or erotic fetishism, is the sexual arosal a person receives from a physical object, or from a specific situation. The object or situation of interest is called the fetish; the person who has a fetish for that object/situation is a fetishist. A sexual fetish may be regarded as an enhancing element to a romantic/sexual relationship "achieved in ordinary ways (e.g. having the partner wear a particular garment)" or as a mental disorder/disorder of sexual preference if it causes significant psychosocial distress for the person or has detrimental effects on important areas of their life. Arousal from a particular body part is classified as partialism.

Side note: the fact that Wikipedia is showing a drawing of a lady who, what I can only assume, is smelling another lady's foot is a bit interesting in and of itself...

Um, okay, it's a little wordy and yeah, it IS from Wikipedia which isn't the best source either, but I highlighted the most important part. The way I read it it's saying that being a Fat Admirer doesn't qualify as a fetish because plus sized people aren't objects nor are they situations. Okay, maybe they are a "situation" if they are on a plus size version of Jersey Shore (Jersey S'more maybe?), but otherwise there is no connection. So that means that it is a preference just like the Urban Dictionary explained. There are different categories and likes within the Fat Admirer title though. It isn't straight forward because all bodies and degrees of weight exist. Uh oh, here comes another acronym! Relax, this time I made it up (I think).

TABHLA Tits, Ass, Belly, Hips, Legs, Arms. (You can switch the letters around however you like and try to come up with a cool acronym if you want but I will just leave it as is for now). Sometimes it's all six at once but sometimes it's certain parts only, or a combination of a couple different ones. For example, I'm pear shaped which means I'm bottom heavy. I basically have a stick-out ass. I also have an ample rack though, so, since it leads my way when walking, that is what guys will sometimes notice first. In fact, I was used to having men be attracted to me because of the gurls. It was very new to me when I joined the SSBBW dating site which makes you put your body type and approximate weight (eek!). I got a lot of responses right away with almost every guy wanting photos as proof that I, in fact, am a pear. At first I was a little creeped out by the request. I had the image of them in a darkened room with a sock and a bottle of lubricant *shudder*. But then, when I inquired in a slightly aggressive manner why they wanted the pictures, I was told that many ladies claim to be pears but are actually apple shaped, and in denial. Heh? Okay, whatever. Apparently there are a lot of BBWs out there claiming to be SSBBWs as well, but that's a different story.

Anyhoo, this is why I came up with the TABHLA to kind of narrow down a guy's preference since it is usually within the six.The dudes who contact me are into big asses. They ask for pictures of my ass. I honestly have none. Do you know how hard it is to take a picture of your whole ass that looks somewhat decent? Sure, you can try to do the phone or camera over your shoulder pointed at a mirror picture but it never looks right. You can put the phone/camera at your waist, facing the mirror, as you balance on the side of the tub, holding onto the shower curtain for dear life and wondering how you will explain it to the EMS when they find the device crushed under your massive frame... A friend told me to use a camera with a timer. That's a great idea! Oh wait, I don't have one of those. I also refuse to have someone take a picture of my ass which I will have to explain. So, sorry boys, you're gonna have to trust me, I'm a pear and my ass is huge.

Oh jeez, I've gotten off topic a bit while talking about my ass photo plight. Okay, back to the FAs! I noticed something common that happened every time a gentleman told me that he was an FA, it was immediately followed by an apology. Many times they said that they hoped that I didn't think that was weird and told me they were embarrassed to admit it. Since I didn't have any experience dealing with FAs I immediately questioned their embarrassment and apologies. It was usually answered with a, "Girls usually think that's weird or that I'm a freak." I started asking them what they thought a Fat Admirer was. I was given a different answer and definition every time. They all always centered around being sexually attracted to SSBBWs or very large BBWs. At first I said that I didn't think that was weird and that I would have thought it was weird if they weren't FAs since I was on a dating site for very large BBWs. But then I started to really think about it. By them saying that they were embarrassed or worrying that I would think it's weird, it was their way of saying that they were ashamed of themselves for being attracted to someone like me. It kind of pissed me off but then I realised that it was society that was making them feel that way, just like it was making the BBWs who told them that they were weird feel that way about them.

As I wrote in a previous post, I've gone through most of my life feeling ashamed of myself because of my size. Now I understand why it was so hard to find a non-creepy guy who was interested in me. It didn't have as much to do with me as it did with how society made men feel about their preference. Stupid society with it's unrealistic views of weight and beauty had screwed me again! I decided that it was going to be my new mission to make these guys understand that there was NOTHING wrong with them, or me for that matter. I was usually met with the answer, "But it's not normal." I'm sorry, but who the hell decides what IS normal? Everyone has a different preference when it comes to attraction. It's usually something that is ingrained in us early on in life and stays in our subconscious. It determines what our "type" is when looking for a mate. Women are told to look for the tall, dark, and handsome knight in shinning armor to come rescue her from whatever fate she has gotten herself into. If Hitler had ruled the world we wouldn't have any of those guys to fulfill that dream. Men on the other hand have been told to look for that buxom blonde who is not more than 5'8 (unless she's a super model of course) with tanned skin and the measurements of 36-24-36, the perfect hourglass figure. It just isn't feasible because that would eliminate most of the female population of the world. Men would be moving to Nordic countries in droves and the hair dye industry would make more than the porn industry. Perish the thought!

My long winded point is that there is nothing wrong with being attracted to anyone for any reason. If you find it attractive so do a vast number of other people. And "it"can be anything, just be sure it is LEGAL. You are never alone in what you think or feel. There is ALWAYS someone else out there who is thinking the same way. Just because someone perceives it as weird doesn't mean that they are the be all and end all authority on the subject. They usually feel that way because either that is what they have been told to think by a number of sources or they are having trouble dealing with something themselves, whether it be their own weight, the way they see themselves in the mirror, or something more that they have yet to figure out. I have realised over the years that when someone publicly humiliates you or tries to bring you down, it's because they have some kind of insecurity that they are projecting onto you. They have an internal struggle that they would never admit because it would show what others may see as a weakness. Don't strengthen them by letting them make you feel that way. Never give someone that much power over you. They aren't worthy.

So, to all of the FAs out there who are ready to make all of us BBWs, SSBBWs, BSSBBWs. FSBBW, or however else you refer to us, feel good for being who we are, I encourage you to come out. Escape that closet, woodwork, seat in the bar at a plus size event, or even that darkened room (leave the sock and lube there, do NOT bring it with you! Oh, and wash your hands. No, take a FULL shower). Make it known that you are who you are and be proud of it. Own it! Just don't be a creeper! Ahhhh, the creepers. You are next on my "hit list" of posts fellas. Stay tuned because there is a lot to tell and this post is just too damn long enough!

As always,

xoxo Lors :o)