I have noticed that when a man approaches me in public he is usually polite. He introduces himself and is mostly quite complimentary. Even if I let him know that I'm not interested he still keeps his manners in tact and moves on. Why, oh why, is this so difficult online? I can't tell you how many times I have received a message from a man that starts with either vulgarity or is inappropriate altogether. So many men let their penis lead the conversation instead of their brain. It becomes quite daunting especially after I've read a well written and interesting profile or first message. I will get a little excited thinking that I'm about to communicate with someone who can lead a conversation and all of a sudden a get a message like, "How big is your ass?" or "Do you have any pictures of you naked?" or my personal favourite, "What's your favourite sexual position?" Seriously??? You want to lead with that??? Why would a man think that is a turn on for a woman? You wouldn't go up to a lady in public and ask her that kind of a question so what makes you think that it's appropriate to do so online?
Now, I'm not saying that every guy starts that way but there have been so many lately that I'm starting to wonder if there is some kind of online training course that some of these men are taking. Here is a great example of a messaging conversation that I had with a guy who turned out to be a douche pretty quickly. Keep in mind that this was on a dating site for people who are only supposed to be looking for a serious relationship...
Him: So i've already decided we're gonna make out. But, don't worry, i've seen the future and it'll be hot..I swear
How's your Saturday goin'? Any big plans??Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 7:47:11 PM
Me: Lolfr! Okay, I have to admit, that was awesome. I'm home so that will tell you something about my Saturday night. How is yours?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 7:49:27 PM
Him: Aww, that's no fun! Especially considering you're in (the same city)! Ooooooh! lol
My night is okay. Just sorta winding down, as I have an unfortunately early morning tomorrow. That's what happens when you agree to help out your friends with all their crazy ventures! lol
So here's a good question for you since we're so well acquainted now!
....Are you adventurous and spontaneous?Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 7:54:13 PM
Me: I'm afraid to ask what you mean by adventurous and spontaneous... Tread lightly when answering. lol
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 7:56:34 PM
Him: hmm, I suppose i mean it in a general sense! I'm just testing the waters with you....still not so sure about you young lady! lol
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:00:54 PM
Me: lol @ young lady What kind of job do you have in law enforcement? Vice? Is that why you are coyly asking about my spontaneity and sense of adventure?
I guess it really depends on the situation and/or activity...
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:03:13 PM
Him: What if the activity was me?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:05:05 PM
Me: Oh boy. Are you just looking for a one night stand, friend with benefits, or "activity" partner only? Are you a closet FA?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:09:48 PM
Him: I don't even know what a closet FA means? lol But seriously, you can tell me truthfully and with no inhibitions..you'd like to get together with me obviously, right?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:15:11 PM
Me: I admire your confidence and appreciate your candor but I'm not looking to just sleep with a random dude regardless of my attraction to them. A closet FA is a Fat Admirer who wants to do a fat chick but would never consider dating one.
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:16:40 PM
Him: Nah...however, I happen to know that full figured women give the best head and LOVE to do it...you'd have to agree with me on that one right?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:19:44 PM
Me: Why do you think that is? Other than a BJ are you interested in a full figured girl for anything else?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:21:01 PM
Him: I don't think it, I know it lol And yes I would be interested in more. But i'm not gonna lie, I think you'd give amazing head, and I can guarantee you'd love doing it to me
Me: A guarantee, huh? Well, here's the thing, I have a rule. I don't give until I receive first. I am not so desperate for a man to be interested in me that I would get down on my knees, or in any other position, to suck you or any guy off. I don't need to. I also have too much respect for myself. I think that you may be hung up on a stereotype that isn't true for most of us big girls.
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:29:04 PM
Him: Nah, i'm hung up on a stereotype that's true for all girls, which is that i'm hot lol
(He had been sending his picture with every message. This is when he stopped)
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:33:31 PM
Me: But you see, saying things like that makes you less attractive. In order to be truly "hot" isn't just about good looks, it's also about attitude and the respect you demonstrate for others. Does this approach really work for you?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:37:52 PM
Him: do i need to take a screen shot of my inbox for you? lol and yes, confidence speaks leaps and bounds for me....you don't really want some pussy pushover fag with no balls do you??
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:45:45 PM
Me: Well, I guess desperation will affect the judgement of woman at times... Homophobic too? You ARE a peach!
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:48:41 PM
Him: So you're saying that you're desperate because you use (this site)?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:53:25 PM
Me: I wasn't the one who initiated messaging. Your inbox may have a lot of messages and responses but how many of them continue once they realise the type of guy you are and what you're actually looking for?
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 8:54:51 PM
Him: not many, because they don't have to continue when we're meeting in person...see, some people like to allow themselves the right to have fun and enjoyment in their life. It's a shame you don't feel the same!
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 9:02:33 PM
Me: Oh, I do but I think that fun and excitement doesn't include giving BJ's to a random stranger who wants to use women on a dating site as free form of prostitution.
Subject: Re:Sent: 4/6/2013 9:04:16 PM
Him: do us both a favor and stop messaging me, thanks
So, THAT is what I'm talking about. It really makes me wonder if there is any point to online dating especially with so many men out there who are hung up on the stereotype that Fat = Easy. It is rare to find a guy who doesn't bring sex into the conversation within the first five questions. I understand that as humans we are sexual beings. I get that. But what I don't get is how any man thinks that he is going to start a relationship of any kind with a woman by talking to them that way. If sex is really important to you, why not put in the work to get a woman who would probably be more than willing to provide it on a regular basis? The way that conversation started was cute and caught my attention but when he started showing his true colours any kind of attraction I had to him vanished quickly. I say in my dating profile that I am attracted to confidence but not arrogance and warn that there is a fine line between the two. Please keep that in mind that it's great to want to impress a woman but I am always more impressed when a guy is polite, courteous, and respectful.
Happy dating!
xoxo Lors :o)
