I'm going to start with something that happened to me recently because I really need to deal with it. Well, I have been dealing with it but I haven't been doing a good job of it. About five months ago or so, I met a guy online. It was on a dating site for fatties and their admirers. I had been on the site since July 2015 and hadn't had much luck. I had made some friends but I found that the main interest was in my body and how it could fulfill the fantasies of the guys who messaged me. Many who contacted me were Feeders. I was very clear in my profile that I wasn't interested in being a Gainer or a Feedee. I'm happy with myself as I am. If a guy can't accept me as is then they aren't the guy for me.
Most of the time the conversation would start with the normal pleasantries. They were usually complimentary, which I thanked them for. We would talk about the normal getting to know you subjects but they would ultimately steer the conversation back to their fantasy. They would focus on me as an object instead of a person. I would get so frustrated. I would try to get them to change the subject but it would only last a short time until it was brought up again. We would get into arguments about it and most of the time they would try to turn my demand for respect around on me. I received responses like, "I can't help what I like." or "Why are you trying to make me feel guilty for being into SSBBWs?" or "You should be flattered that I am so into your body size." They never seemed to get it when I would point out that there is a soul inside my body, that I'm not just made of fat. It got to the point where I didn't take any possible sincere messages that I received seriously. I was that jaded. That was, until he messaged me.
I honestly can't remember the first message he sent me. It was something that made me want to have a conversation with him though. He seemed nice enough. I remember that he made me laugh, he was cute in his pictures, and he was local. We started chatting. As we messaged back and forth I realised that he was a decent guy. We talked about a bunch of interests. He had actually read my profile and would ask me to expand on topics that I had noted in it. He was interested in me as a person. It was very refreshing. Not once did he bring up my body. He was complimentary, but no fantasies were voiced, and no red flags were raised. He confessed right away that he was going through a separation that had just begun a couple of months before. He wanted to be upfront and honest. I appreciated that because he was giving me the choice of wanting to continue or not. We started chatting offline and shortly after, fed up with the site that we had met on, he deleted his profile.
We started out talking every two or three days. He made me laugh a lot and we both enjoyed our conversations. He asked me on a date in April but I had planned to go to a local party with a friend that day. I ended up hurting myself so I didn't go. I regretted having to decline his invitation. He assured me that he would ask again. He kept his promise and asked me out in May. I picked a restaurant close to me and met him there. I wasn't sure how it would go, but one thing I knew was that I wanted to stay friends with him regardless of how the date went. He had made that good of an impression on me. Since he had never really focused on my body or size I wasn't sure if he realised how big I really was. He had seen pictures of me, but lets face it, a picture only lets you see so much. He said that he would be fine with me at any size, I was still nervous.
When we finally met in person it was an instant attraction on both sides. He assured me later that he thought that I was more attractive in person, although he really liked my pictures too. We had a great dinner and then went for coffee. He didn't want to take me home so he drove all over the city for hours while we talked. It was a great date. It was nice just finally being with him in person. One thing that I must note is that he was a total gentleman. He held doors, pulled out chairs, closed my door after I got in the car, and walked me to my door. He gave me a hug at the door and a kiss on the cheek. I was glad that he didn't try more because we were strangers still at that point... Plus, I was hoping that our first kiss would be more special. I looked forward to our next date.
We weren't able to go on another date until the July long weekend. Due to the wait, and amount of time that he would be able to spend with me, he planned a date on both the Friday and Saturday. My birthday had been at the end of May so he planned to take me to get my birthday present. I had mentioned that one of my favourite authors was Charles Dickens. He took me to the bookstore to let me pick out the one I hadn't read yet. It was extremely thoughtful. I really appreciated it and it made me feel special. He planned a bunch of things for us to do which were all fun. We finally kissed that evening for the first time. It was in a lovely spot at the top of the bluffs overlooking the lake. It was sweet and memorable.
The next night we went for dinner. I was going to be leaving for the Las Vegas bash the following weekend and I wanted to make sure that he was okay with it. We had a very serious discussion about him dating other women. I encouraged him to do so. I was afraid that since he had only really dated me that I might end up being his rebound. It was the last thing I wanted, so if dating others guaranteed that wouldn't happen, I was willing to push him in that direction. He assured me that he didn't want to date anyone else and that I was not going to be his rebound. But, due to the tone of our conversation, and the topic, he thought that I was pushing him away. Breaking up with him in a way, although we were still dating and not in a relationship. On ride back from dinner he was different. He usually held my hand while driving but he didn't this time. I could tell that he was upset. I had him drive to the beach. We sat in the car and talked it out. He realised that I wasn't pushing him away. I was giving him an out. Something that he didn't want. We confirmed that we wanted to continue dating. We left on great terms and chatted every day until my trip.
I went to the Vegas bash the following weekend. I was gone for two weeks. I messaged him when I could. It was hard because I was constantly doing something or out and about. Plus, the three hour time difference didn't help. We chatted at length a couple of times. I talked to him almost every day after I got back and we planned our next date. It was the holiday weekend. We went to an interesting place that he researched, we ordered food and took it with us, and then went for a drive. We talked a lot again. That's the thing about us, we never ran out of subjects to talk about. It was so comfortable. We had a lot in common. I found the things that we didn't have in common most interesting. I really liked learning about him. His past and his current life. It felt like we were growing closer. We talked basically everyday. We always said that we enjoyed our conversations. We started talking about the near future. We planned another date for two weeks after that one.
This time we went for dinner and to a movie. During the whole movie we held hands. He caressed my arm and hand the whole time. I enjoyed every moment of it. We drove to the beach and talked for a while. We made out, a lot. We were becoming so much more comfortable with each other. We even talked about it later after he got home. That date changed a lot for me. It made me see that I was really ready to open up to someone again. To finally start letting my guard down. It was the turning point for me. I talked to my friends about it. I told them that I really liked him and that I was looking forward to seeing him again. Over the next couple of days we started discussing New Years Eve. Making plans for what to do that night. I had planned on going to Michigan to see friends, but the plans weren't solid, and I knew that I would rather spend it with him at his new place. Well, once he got one.
This post is very long... I know what to do!
To be continued...
No comments:
Post a Comment